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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Nowadays, not enough students choose science subjects in university in many countries. What are the reasons for this problem? What are the effects on society? You should write at least 250 words.

#minutes #students #science #subjects #university #countries #effects #society
In some countries, many pupils decide to choose other
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
instead
 of
science
subject
 in university at
this
 time. In my point of view,
science
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
 not attractive
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 many students because it seems difficult, complicated, and expensive to
contibute
Correct your spelling
contribute
continue
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 its research. First of all, not all people
have
Verb problem
are
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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big
fan
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fans
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on
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of
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number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
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 or math
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the
science
subject
 cannot relinquish
from
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apply
show examples
that.
As a result
, just to avoid the complicated
subject
, many students aspire to another field in college.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
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 social,
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
, etc. that look much easier and can
direcly
Correct your spelling
directly
 apply in daily activity to earn money. Not only that but the expenditure on the area of study
also
Add a missing verb
is also
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 quite
relitive
Correct your spelling
relatively
 expensive for many people.
On
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In
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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other words,
experiment
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experiments
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 and research in
science
have needed
Wrong verb form
need
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 a lot of money to purchase the materials
of
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for
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 study.
For example
,
making
Rephrase
when making
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 a concoction of
medical
Correct article usage
a medical
show examples
subject
, researchers must spend money to buy several ingredients and do experiments with the
hypothesis
Fix the agreement mistake
hypotheses
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trying
Wrong verb form
tries
show examples
 and errors.
This
 issue can lead to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 harmful situation with the butterfly effects because in the future the number of experts in
science
 in the world will be increased to solve problems in our nature and health.
Besides
, the lack of specialist in
this
 field can impact
to
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apply
show examples
science
 and technology development,
where
Correct word choice
which
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those
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apply
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are extremely crucial to
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
 some countries being developed country and
protect
Wrong verb form
protecting
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 their country from harmful
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
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 that can
be coming
Wrong verb form
come
show examples
from
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in
show examples
 many ways.
For example
, a new pandemic disease
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
caused by viruses or
microorganism
Fix the agreement mistake
microorganisms
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 has been possible to spread over the world again which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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should be
spontaneoulsy
Correct your spelling
spontaneously
spontaneous
tackle
Replace the word
tackled
show examples
 by many experts to deal with that problem. In conclusion, the world
need
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needs
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
experts in
science
 and the
subject
 must be explained in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 simple way to encourage
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young people to be more
interest
Replace the word
interested
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
science
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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task achievement
The essay generally addresses the task, but there is a need to more fully develop the ideas with comprehensive explanations and more appropriate examples. The writer should expand on the reasons and effects mentioned by offering a deeper analysis to enhance Task Achievement.
coherence cohesion
While the essay has a basic structure, including an introduction and conclusion, the logical flow can be improved. Transitions between ideas should be smoother, and the organization of points can be more logical. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and subsequent sentences should support that idea cohesively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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