Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compusory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree.
#people #community #service #compusory #part #school #programmes #charity #neighbourhood #sports #children
Handful
of people think that volunteering activities are very necessary for Add an article
A handful
the
Correct article usage
apply
students
, especially those who are now in highschool
. And I strongly agree that these programmes will help Correct your spelling
high school
students
to develop their physical health
, mental
Correct word choice
and mental
health
and also
increase the opportunities to have a career in the future. First of all, when students
take part in unpaid community service they can enhance their social skills
such
as communication skills
and also
relationships. It Rephrase
apply
also
means that they will be more self-confident to interact with others and gain life satisfaction which they can not have if they are at school
or home. For example
, nowadays, Vietnamese students
tend to participate in some clubs so they can gain more soft skills
and life experiences. In addition
, when unpaid community service becomes a compulsory part in
Change preposition
of
school
programmes, this
will allow students
to reduce stress after school
. Because this
day, students
have to learn a lot of things not just at school
but also
in some extra classes which their parents want them to learn. So that will lead to some students
having problems about
physical Change preposition
with
health
such
as depression because of their parent’s high expectations. A great example of this
is our bodies, when we do some intense activities which will involve volunteering programmes then
our bodies will produce a kind of hormone which can help us increase happiness. In conclusion, I am firmly convinced that volunteer work needs to be a vital part Rephrase
apply
in
education Change preposition
of
program
and should not be overlooked. Fix the agreement mistake
programs
This
is due to
the opportunities to maintain the physical and mental health
of students
and also
improve their soft skills
.Submitted by cathyngo1512 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a central idea and is expanded with specific details and examples to maintain coherence.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs, and check for overused expressions or redundancies.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but make sure the thesis statement in your introduction is clear and the conclusion effectively summarises the essay's arguments without introducing new information.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task, providing a clear position throughout the essay.
task achievement
Develop ideas fully by expanding on how unpaid community service can impact career opportunities, as these ideas are only briefly mentioned.
task achievement
Incorporate specific examples and personal experiences to illustrate your points and increase relevancy.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.
A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).
Stick to this essay structure:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
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