The graph shows in percentage terms the changing patterns of domestic access to modern technology in homes in the UK.

The graph shows in percentage terms the changing patterns of domestic access to modern technology in homes in the UK.
In homes in the
UK
Add a comma
UK,
show examples
people
have changing patterns of domestic access to modern
technology
. Modern technologies are more useful things,so 83% of
people
are using
that
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. In the UK most
using
Verb problem
apply
show examples
modern
technology
is a
CD
player
.In 1996 60% of
people
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
but in 2002/2003 83% of
people
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
CD
Correct article usage
a CD
show examples
player
. It is the most percentages than others.
However
, Mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
also
more
using
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
technology
. It was not popular in 1996 but in 2003/2002 65%
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
started
use
Change the form of the verb
using
show examples
it.
By contrast
mobile phones,
computers
Correct word choice
and computers
show examples
are no more popular than they used to be. In the beginning, computers were used more often, but they were replaced by mobile phones. The most unused
technology
was Internet access. They were not popular at the beginning and after
while
Correct article usage
a while
show examples
too. The most popular modern
technology
was
CD
Correct article usage
the CD
show examples
player
and in
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
2002/2003 too.
Although
,mobile
phone’s
Change noun form
phones
show examples
usage
grow
Wrong verb form
has grown
show examples
they have not become more used than the
CD
player
. Internet access was the most unpopular and remained the same.
Submitted by dnm.best on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Basic structure: Change the first paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, technology, cd, player with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 1 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the first paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: