Some people believe that zoos have no place in the modern society, while others claim zoos are good places which are often used for beneficial purposes. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Nowadays,
people
argue that zoos
are
should be in Unnecessary verb
apply
touristic
Replace the word
tourist
places
and contrary to animal rights.
Restriction of animals
with a limited place is unconscionable. This
essay will argue that
Correct word choice
whether
zoos
should have a place or not.
In living at 21th
century , provides usChange the ending
21st
a
Add the preposition
with a
lof
of rights. Animal Correct your spelling
lot
right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
is
one of the most important Correct subject-verb agreement
are
one
.
The main difference between Correct pronoun usage
ones
animals
and human
is talking Fix the agreement mistake
humans
skill
. Apart from that ability, Fix the agreement mistake
skills
human
and Fix the agreement mistake
humans
animals
are very similar to
Change preposition
in
another
Change the word
their
attitude
. They can feel, they can Fix the agreement mistake
attitudes
afraid
etc... As a human, freedom Add a missing verb
be afraid
emotion
Correct word choice
and emotion
is
the one of the most important Verb problem
apply
feeling
. In history, many wars were caused Change to a plural noun
feelings
of
freedom feeling. In our current life, we are feeling angry when somebody Change preposition
by
restricted
us. Wrong verb form
restricts
For example
, If you don't allow to
a runner to run he/she will feel restricted. Change preposition
apply
This
is same
with Correct article usage
the same
put
a lion into Change the verb form
putting
the
cage.
Followed by a discussion of how it can Correct article usage
a
some times
lead to Correct your spelling
sometimes
zoos
are
Wrong verb form
being
the
entertaining and instructive Correct article usage
apply
places
for people
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
for
kids. In Change preposition
apply
zoos
, people
can see and know all animals
around the world.
For instance
, you don't need to go South
Africa Change preposition
to South
for
see a penguin. Change preposition
to
Besides
, zoos
are touristic
Replace the word
tourist
places
where
Correct word choice
that
appealing
Wrong verb form
appeal
of
many tourists. The South ZooChange preposition
to
,
is located in Vienna , more visited than Belvedere Palace. Mostly, Remove the comma
apply
zoos
are have
entrance Change the verb form
have
fee
so Fix the agreement mistake
fees
this
income can contrubite
to Correct your spelling
contribute
Add an article
the country
country
economy too.
My opinion is Change noun form
country's
animal
should live Fix the agreement mistake
animals
on
their own environment Change preposition
in
as
Change preposition
for
a
free. They should live with their animal instincts. They should prey and walk when they want.
In conclusion, Correct article usage
apply
people
should respect animal rights and their lives. But also
zoos
are necessary for touristic
Replace the word
tourist
places
.Submitted by mervekerkuklu on
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Coherence and Cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and logical structure, which is essential for readers to follow your argument easily. You should ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas connect coherently from one paragraph to the next.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be significantly improved. Both sections should clearly introduce and summarize the main ideas of the essay, respectively. It appears you have confusion in the introduction itself about whether zoos should have a place in society.
Coherence and Cohesion
The main points of the essay lack sufficient development and support. Each viewpoint should be discussed with relevant details and examples to make the argument stronger and more persuasive.
Task Achievement
Your response does not fully address the task because it does not discuss both views comprehensively, nor does it provide a clear, reasoned opinion. It is important to spend time presenting both arguments equally before expressing and justifying your own viewpoint.
Task Achievement
The ideas in your essay are relevant, but they are not expressed clearly or comprehensively. Aim to present each point in a way that is easily understood and thoroughly explained.
Task Achievement
Examples are crucial for illustrating and substantiating your points. In this essay, relevant examples have been attempted, but they are not fully developed or specific enough to effectively support your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.