Some people believe that zoos have no place in the modern society, while others claim zoos are good places which are often used for beneficial purposes. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Nowadays,
people
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argue that
zoos
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
should be in
touristic
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tourist
show examples
places
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and contrary to animal rights. Restriction of
animals
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with a limited place is unconscionable.
This
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essay will argue
that
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whether
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zoos
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should have a place or not. In living at
21th
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21st
show examples
century , provides us
a
Add the preposition
with a
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lof
Correct your spelling
lot
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of rights. Animal
right
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rights
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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one of the most important
one
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ones
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. The main difference between
animals
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and
human
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humans
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is talking
skill
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skills
show examples
. Apart from that ability,
human
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humans
show examples
and
animals
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are very similar
to
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in
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another
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their
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attitude
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attitudes
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. They can feel, they can
afraid
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be afraid
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etc... As a human, freedom
emotion
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and emotion
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is
Verb problem
apply
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the one of the most important
feeling
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feelings
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. In history, many wars were caused
of
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by
show examples
freedom feeling. In our current life, we are feeling angry when somebody
restricted
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restricts
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us.
For example
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, If you don't allow
to
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apply
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a runner to run he/she will feel restricted.
This
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is
same
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the same
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with
put
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putting
show examples
a lion into
the
Correct article usage
a
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cage. Followed by a discussion of how it can
some times
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sometimes
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lead to
zoos
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are
Wrong verb form
being
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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entertaining and instructive
places
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for
people
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especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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for
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apply
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kids. In
zoos
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,
people
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can see and know all
animals
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around the world.
For instance
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, you don't need to go
South
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to South
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Africa
for
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to
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see a penguin.
Besides
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,
zoos
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are
touristic
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tourist
show examples
places
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where
Correct word choice
that
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appealing
Wrong verb form
appeal
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of
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to
show examples
many tourists. The South Zoo
,
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apply
show examples
is located in Vienna , more visited than Belvedere Palace. Mostly,
zoos
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are have
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have
show examples
entrance
fee
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fees
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so
this
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income can
contrubite
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contribute
to
Add an article
the country
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country
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country's
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economy too. My opinion is
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
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should live
on
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in
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their own environment
as
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for
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
free. They should live with their animal instincts. They should prey and walk when they want. In conclusion,
people
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should respect animal rights and their lives. But
also
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zoos
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are necessary for
touristic
Replace the word
tourist
show examples
places
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by mervekerkuklu on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and logical structure, which is essential for readers to follow your argument easily. You should ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas connect coherently from one paragraph to the next.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be significantly improved. Both sections should clearly introduce and summarize the main ideas of the essay, respectively. It appears you have confusion in the introduction itself about whether zoos should have a place in society.
Coherence and Cohesion
The main points of the essay lack sufficient development and support. Each viewpoint should be discussed with relevant details and examples to make the argument stronger and more persuasive.
Task Achievement
Your response does not fully address the task because it does not discuss both views comprehensively, nor does it provide a clear, reasoned opinion. It is important to spend time presenting both arguments equally before expressing and justifying your own viewpoint.
Task Achievement
The ideas in your essay are relevant, but they are not expressed clearly or comprehensively. Aim to present each point in a way that is easily understood and thoroughly explained.
Task Achievement
Examples are crucial for illustrating and substantiating your points. In this essay, relevant examples have been attempted, but they are not fully developed or specific enough to effectively support your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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