IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In recent times, economic growth has helped many become richer, both in developed and developing countries. However, those in developed countries are not as happy as they were in the past. Why is this? What can be learned from this? (Writing 250 words)

Currently, our world is propelled by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology and
economic
Replace the word
economics
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 which determine
in
Change preposition
apply
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a business aspect.
Todays
Fix the agreement mistake
Today
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,
population
Add an article
the population
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in
Change preposition
of
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 many countries
over
Rephrase
all over
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 the world have a great rate of wealth, compared to the past. Whilst some countries are successful in
economic
Replace the word
economics
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, their
happiness
Use synonyms
 rates are
decline
Wrong verb form
declining
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
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 the opposite side.
According to
Linking Words
 the reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 situation, developed countries
supposed
Add a missing verb
are supposed
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work
Fix the infinitive
to work
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 hard to reach the GDP goal, which is a signal of achievement in
a
Correct article usage
an
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great
Correct word choice
economic
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 position of economic. Both domestic and international competition getting more intense, leading to
an
Remove the article
apply
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anxiety in the number of citizens. Nowadays, money
play
Change the verb form
plays
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 a vital role in every part of life, governments and companies pay revenues as a part of motivation, encouraging employees to pay attention and
working
Wrong verb form
work
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 hard. If they desire more income, they should give
a
Correct article usage
apply
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first priority
on
Change preposition
to
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job
Add an article
the job
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.
This
Linking Words
make
Change the verb form
makes
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people
Use synonyms
lost
Wrong verb form
lose
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 their own
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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,
Use synonyms
happiness
Correct word choice
and happiness
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, and even ignore their families
as a result
Linking Words
 of trying to find and collect money. Since
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon occurred,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 an excellent financial or economic
successful
Replace the word
success
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 not demonstrated higher amusement. Because of
plummet
Correct article usage
the plummet
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 of residential delight that
different
Add a missing verb
is different
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 from the past.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
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 should take actions to cope with it, balancing both
growth
Correct article usage
the growth
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 of
country
Correct article usage
the country
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 and
Use synonyms
happiness
Correct article usage
the happiness
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 of citizens. The reason is that
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 consciousness and emotions could affect their task.
For instance
Linking Words
, if
people
Use synonyms
 still have a lot of stress and
suffers
Correct subject-verb agreement
suffer
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 with their life, one day the working potential could burn out. In conclusion, even though
economic
Replace the word
economics
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 is an important thing
which
Change preposition
in which
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 money is a huge factor
to drive
Change preposition
in driving
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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development in the country,
wealth
Correct article usage
the wealth
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 rate cannot indicate the level of
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 amusement. It is essential to have a balance of both things, a great
economic
Replace the word
economy
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 and
grow
Replace the word
growth
show examples
happiness
Use synonyms
 simultaneously that could help
country’s
Correct article usage
the country’s
show examples
 improvement in the future.

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coherence cohesion
The essay needs to have a clearer logical structure. Work on organizing your points into clear paragraphs, each expressing a new idea or aspect of the question.
coherence cohesion
Make sure you have a clear introduction and conclusion that summarizes the topic and the main points discussed.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with examples or evidence. Where possible, use clear and specific details rather than general statements.
task achievement
Ensure that the essay fully responds to all parts of the task. Discuss both why wealth may not lead to happiness in developed countries, as well as what can be learned from this situation.
task achievement
Ideas presented should be clear and developed comprehensively. Avoid shallow or underdeveloped points.
task achievement
Including relevant, specific examples is crucial to support your statements and enhance the persuasiveness of your argument. Aim to include these consistently throughout your essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economic growth
  • Material wealth
  • Affluent societies
  • Social cohesion
  • Isolation and loneliness
  • Work-related stress
  • Professional expectations
  • Aspirations and reality
  • Environmental degradation
  • Sustainability
  • Consumerism
  • Comparison
  • Life balance
  • Mental well-being
  • Community relationships
  • Sustainable development
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