In recent times, economic growth has helped many become richer, both in developed and developing countries. However, those in developed countries are not as happy as they were in the past. Why is this? What can be learned from this? (Writing 250 words)
Currently, our world is propelled by
the
technology and Correct article usage
apply
economic
which determine Replace the word
economics
in
a business aspect. Change preposition
apply
Todays
, Fix the agreement mistake
Today
population
Add an article
the population
in
many countries Change preposition
of
over
the world have a great rate of wealth, compared to the past. Whilst some countries are successful in Rephrase
all over
economic
, their Replace the word
economics
happiness
rates are decline
Wrong verb form
declining
in
the opposite side.
Change preposition
on
According to
the reason of
Change preposition
for
this
situation, developed countries supposed
Add a missing verb
are supposed
work
hard to reach the GDP goal, which is a signal of achievement in Fix the infinitive
to work
a
Correct article usage
an
great
position of economic. Both domestic and international competition getting more intense, leading to Correct word choice
economic
an
anxiety in the number of citizens. Nowadays, money Remove the article
apply
play
a vital role in every part of life, governments and companies pay revenues as a part of motivation, encouraging employees to pay attention and Change the verb form
plays
working
hard. If they desire more income, they should give Wrong verb form
work
a
first priority Correct article usage
apply
on
Change preposition
to
job
. Add an article
the job
This
make
Change the verb form
makes
people
lost
their own Wrong verb form
lose
life
, Fix the agreement mistake
lives
happiness
, and even ignore their families Correct word choice
and happiness
as a result
of trying to find and collect money.
Since this
phenomenon occurred, it is clear that
an excellent financial or economic successful
Replace the word
success
are
not demonstrated higher amusement. Because of Correct subject-verb agreement
is
plummet
of residential delight that Correct article usage
the plummet
different
from the past. Add a missing verb
is different
Government
should take actions to cope with it, balancing both Correct article usage
The government
growth
of Correct article usage
the growth
country
and Correct article usage
the country
happiness
of citizens. The reason is that Correct article usage
the happiness
people
consciousness and emotions could affect their task. Change noun form
people's
For instance
, if people
still have a lot of stress and suffers
with their life, one day the working potential could burn out.
In conclusion, even though Correct subject-verb agreement
suffer
economic
is an important thing Replace the word
economics
which
money is a huge factor Change preposition
in which
to drive
Change preposition
in driving
the
development in the country, Correct article usage
apply
wealth
rate cannot indicate the level of Correct article usage
the wealth
people
amusement. It is essential to have a balance of both things, a great Change noun form
people's
economic
and Replace the word
economy
grow
Replace the word
growth
happiness
simultaneously that could help country’s
improvement in the future.Correct article usage
the country’s
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coherence cohesion
The essay needs to have a clearer logical structure. Work on organizing your points into clear paragraphs, each expressing a new idea or aspect of the question.
coherence cohesion
Make sure you have a clear introduction and conclusion that summarizes the topic and the main points discussed.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with examples or evidence. Where possible, use clear and specific details rather than general statements.
task achievement
Ensure that the essay fully responds to all parts of the task. Discuss both why wealth may not lead to happiness in developed countries, as well as what can be learned from this situation.
task achievement
Ideas presented should be clear and developed comprehensively. Avoid shallow or underdeveloped points.
task achievement
Including relevant, specific examples is crucial to support your statements and enhance the persuasiveness of your argument. Aim to include these consistently throughout your essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example