The bar chart below shows the number of boys and girls playing different types of sports in a city in England called Canterbury in 2012.

The bar chart below shows the number of boys and girls playing different types of sports in a city in England called Canterbury in 2012.
The given chart compares the number of Canterbury children from each gender who played 6 different sports in 2012, which are tennis, badminton, cycling, swimming, football, and
Hockey
. In general,
boys
had a higher interest in playing most of the available sports compared to the
girls
while
the least chosen
sport
was
hockey
.
According to
the graph, albeit being noted as the most favourite
sport
for
boys
(60%), only one out of 5
girls
chose to play football. Following that, the proportion of
boys
and
girls
who played tennis was 10 to 7.
Similarly
, there were slightly above 35% of
boys
and nearly a fifth of
girls
who were interested in cycling.
In contrast
, the number of
girls
who were playing badminton was higher than
boys
by 10%.
Likewise
, half of the
girls
decided to swim
while
only 40% did
this
sport
.
Finally
,
hockey
was concluded as the least interesting
sport
since less than 20% of the children are interested in
hockey
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words hockey, boys, girls, sport with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.

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