IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The line chart below shows the effect of vaccination on the number of reported cases of whooping cough, a childhood disease, in Britain.

The line chart below shows the effect of vaccination on the number of reported cases of whooping cough, a childhood disease, in Britain.
The given line graph represents how different numbers of
cases
Use synonyms
 of whooping have been reported from 1940 to 1990 in Britain. From the graph, we can tell that the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of
cases
Use synonyms
 of whooping cough was reported in 1941, which was about 170,000
cases
Use synonyms
. The
number
Use synonyms
 of reported
cases
Use synonyms
 had quite up and down until vaccination began in 1956. From the year of the beginning of vaccination, the
number
Use synonyms
 of reported
cases
Use synonyms
 rapidly decreased until it recorded almost 0 in 1972.
However
Linking Words
, its
number
Use synonyms
 had a little bit of up and down when the rate of vaccination was low, remaining under 60,000
cases
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
,
cases
Use synonyms
 of whooping cough in Britain were barely reported since 2000.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words cases, number with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 4 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: