The graph shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

The graph shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.
The line graph below represents the figures for shops that stopped running businesses and started new businesses in one country between 2011 and 2018. The highest number of
shop
openings
was in 2011 with almost 8,500 stores
while
almost 6,500 shops were closed.
However
, the huge amount of
shop
openings
rapidly dropped to 4,000 in the following year, 2012
while
the figure for
shop
closures only decreased to 6,000. The
overall
figures for
shop
closures were stable until 2014 with only a small amount of up and down but it hit almost 0 in the next year, in 2015.
On the other hand
, the line graph of
shop
openings
gradually increased after it had experienced a massive drop between 2011 and 2012. Since the line of
shop
openings
hit 6,000 in 2014, it has decreased until 2018, recording 3,000 in 2018.
As a result
, the figures
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
shops
Fix the agreement mistake
shop
show examples
closures showed
increased
Correct article usage
an increased
show examples
graph after it
hits
Wrong verb form
hit
show examples
almost 0 in 2015 and gradually recovered
Submitted by pjh011205 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
Vocabulary: Replace the words shop, openings with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fluctuate
  • steady
  • decline
  • increase
  • peak
  • trough
  • magnitude
  • trend
  • surpass
  • plummet
  • annual
  • consecutive
  • closure rate
  • inception rate
  • net growth
  • commercial landscape
  • retail sector
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