The graph shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

The graph shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.
the line graph depicts the shop closures and openings from 2011 to 2018. the data has been calibrated in thousands.
overall
, the shops which closed the most
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
in 2015.
however
, the
releasing
Replace the word
release
show examples
of new shops that opened the most was
2011
Change preposition
in 2011
show examples
.
to begin
with, in 2011 approximately 8500 new
stores
had released. meanwhile, after a year only 4000
stores
had
created
Add a missing verb
been created
show examples
, which means only half of the amount of number in 2011.
moreover
, in the same years (2011 and 2012)
stores
had to close
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
about 6500 to 6000 respectively.
in contrast
, in 2015 only 500
stores
experienced closure and 4000 new
stores
opened.
last
but not
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
least, in the
last
three years
stores
that saw closing remained steady
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
average
Change the article
an average
the average
show examples
number of 5000.
furthermore
, the new
stores
opened dropped to 3000.
to sum up
, in seven years there were
bunch
Add an article
a bunch
show examples
of
stores
experieced
Correct your spelling
experienced
open and close. the peak moment
fo
Correct your spelling
for
show examples
openings was in 2011 or at the beginning of the period.
on the other hand
, closures reached a peak in 2015 which was a great moment for the owners.
Submitted by syifensaft on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words stores with synonyms.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fluctuate
  • steady
  • decline
  • increase
  • peak
  • trough
  • magnitude
  • trend
  • surpass
  • plummet
  • annual
  • consecutive
  • closure rate
  • inception rate
  • net growth
  • commercial landscape
  • retail sector
What to do next:
Look at other essays: