IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

The graph shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.
#shops #country #summarise #information #features #comparison
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the line graph depicts the shop closures and openings from 2011 to 2018. the data has been calibrated in thousands.
overall
Linking Words
, the shops which closed the most
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 in 2015.
however
Linking Words
, the
releasing
Replace the word
release
show examples
 of new shops that opened the most was
2011
Change preposition
in 2011
show examples
.
to begin
Linking Words
 with, in 2011 approximately 8500 new
stores
Use synonyms
 had released. meanwhile, after a year only 4000
stores
Use synonyms
 had
created
Add a missing verb
been created
show examples
, which means only half of the amount of number in 2011.
moreover
Linking Words
, in the same years (2011 and 2012)
stores
Use synonyms
 had to close
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
about 6500 to 6000 respectively.
in contrast
Linking Words
, in 2015 only 500
stores
Use synonyms
 experienced closure and 4000 new
stores
Use synonyms
 opened.
last
Linking Words
 but not
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
least, in the
last
Linking Words
 three years
stores
Use synonyms
 that saw closing remained steady
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
average
Change the article
an average
the average
show examples
 number of 5000.
furthermore
Linking Words
, the new
stores
Use synonyms
 opened dropped to 3000.
to sum up
Linking Words
, in seven years there were
bunch
Add an article
a bunch
show examples
 of
stores
Use synonyms
experieced
Correct your spelling
experienced
 open and close. the peak moment
fo
Correct your spelling
for
show examples
 openings was in 2011 or at the beginning of the period.
on the other hand
Linking Words
, closures reached a peak in 2015 which was a great moment for the owners.
Submitted by syifensaft on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words stores with synonyms.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fluctuate
  • steady
  • decline
  • increase
  • peak
  • trough
  • magnitude
  • trend
  • surpass
  • plummet
  • annual
  • consecutive
  • closure rate
  • inception rate
  • net growth
  • commercial landscape
  • retail sector
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