165.Some parents say that children should play individually more than in a group. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this and include your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Parenting is the most
challanging
Correct your spelling
challenging
part. The
habbits
Correct your spelling
habits
of the children depend upon the
enviornment
Correct your spelling
environment
they raised. Some
gardiance
Correct your spelling
guardians
believe in solo playing
instead
Linking Words
of in
Use synonyms
group
Add an article
a group
show examples
.
Personnaly
Correct your spelling
Personally
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
preffer
Correct your spelling
prefer
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
and
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
more
benificial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
in
Change preposition
to in
show examples
playing
Correct article usage
a
show examples
group
Use synonyms
. To start with, Some of the parents thought that solo playing
enhace
Correct your spelling
enhance
chindren
Correct your spelling
children
skills and learning more. As most of the
challanging
Correct your spelling
challenging
Add a comma
,
show examples
they tackle
indvidually
Correct your spelling
individually
. Their mind is
prepaired
Correct your spelling
prepared
Linking Words
such
Change preposition
in such
show examples
a way that no one is around to help. so they have to
done
Change the form of the verb
do
show examples
what ever
Correct your spelling
whatever
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
comes. same on opposite, I understand in
Use synonyms
group
Add an article
the group
a group
show examples
you learn
team work
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
. In which you easily
achiched
Correct your spelling
achieve
the goals.
Also
Linking Words
, batch playing
taugh
Correct your spelling
taught
you
Change the pronoun
your
show examples
social skills.In which, you understand how to
intreact
Correct your spelling
interact
or treat other kids playing around.
Moreover
Linking Words
, kids do
fightings
Correct your spelling
fighting
show examples
in
group
Use synonyms
playing.
where as
Correct your spelling
whereas
show examples
in single playing
that
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
do not have anyone to fight with.
Submitted by liftruxinc on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, which are essential for setting the context and summarizing the main points, respectively. Include these key components to improve the overall structure and readability.
coherence cohesion
There are significant issues with grammar, punctuation, and sentence structure that make the essay difficult to understand. Practice using complex sentences correctly, and ensure proper use of punctuation to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
The essay has some organization, but the ideas presented need to be more logically structured with clear paragraphing. Use linking words effectively to connect ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay only partially addresses the task, as it does not fully discuss the advantages and disadvantages of individual play. Expand your discussion to cover both sides more comprehensively.
task achievement
The ideas in the essay are not developed thoroughly and lack clarity. Provide more detail and explanation to fully convey your message. Aim for a balance of general statements and specific examples to support your points.
task achievement
Your essay lacks specific examples to illustrate the points made about individual and group play. Including real-world examples or hypothetical situations can help to support your arguments and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: