IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Option A: Children's playground: This playground would include swingset, basketball court, baseball field and a skating arena. Option B: Health club: This health club would include sports facilities, personal training and group exercise classes.

#option #children #playground #swingset #basketball #court #baseball #field #arena #b #health #club #sports #facilities #group #exercise #classes
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I was recently aware of the survey on land utilization effectively for the public.
While
 some people claim children's
playground
 is more suitable other through health clube is more facilitated for people. I am considering multiple reasons, which I will educate and justify in the following paragraph. No doubt children's
playground
 is a wonderful option.
Moreover
, what is more, convincing to me is that In
playground
 will provide a basketball court baseball field, and a skating arena. Childersna's scan learns multiple activities in one ground, Parents do not need to go to class and pay expensive fees to improve their children's skills and knowledge about sports.
Additionally
, Kis will be busy in their day-to-day activities after school and do some extra career activities which will help him to fit in and achieve brean. In today's world kids are using smartphones and video games. It is distracting to kids from studying forthmomere they are not enjoying their life. Secoundlu will hire one coach for society so kids will be learning games systematically. considering all the above assertions I would like to vouch for the
playground
 area
is
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 the ideal option to
mover
Replace the word
move
show examples
 forward.
Submitted by t.akanksha.mba on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clear structure, with ideas jumping from one point to another haphazardly. Consider organizing your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Use connecting phrases to ensure smooth transitions between your ideas.
task achievement
There is a clear attempt to address the prompt, but the response feels incomplete. Make sure to fully explore each idea with supporting details and examples. Also, consider adding a conclusive statement that summarizes your arguments and provides closure to the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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