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Writing Samples /
Band 2

A big salary is more important while choosing a job. Do you agree or disagree?

#salary #job
Nowadays,most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people often consider
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
job
 outcomes as one of the critical
condition
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conditions
show examples
to accept
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for accepting
show examples
the
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a
show examples
job
. From my perspective, I partially agree with
this
 notion. In
this
 essay, I will clarify my opinion.
Firstly
, a big salary is a crucial
oppartunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 which can change and improve employee lifestyle.
Moreover
,it may cover
essintail
Correct your spelling
essential
 fees that the worker has to pay
at the end
 of each month
such
 us, bills of
elecricitiy
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electricity
,
phone
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phones
show examples
,water and oil.
In addition
, many
resareches
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research studies
 show that
the
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apply
show examples
money
increase
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increases
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
person
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person's
show examples
 happiness because it
assist
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assists
show examples
 him
to have
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in having
show examples
wahat
Correct your spelling
what
 they
want
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wants
show examples
.
Second,
ahigh
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a high
high
 amount of outcomes that the worker gets can
motivite
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motivate
 him and aid
to
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him to
show examples
 be
aprofficinal
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apr officinal
 at work.
Furthermore
,it
encarage
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encourage
 to work deeply and focus more to achieve the outcomes. In conclusion,
while
 I agree that the salary is very important
while
select
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selecting
show examples
 a
job
 , I still think that there are other factors that we should think about
it
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apply
show examples
pefore
Correct your spelling
before
accept
Wrong verb form
accepting
show examples
 a
job
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Correct article usage
the
show examples
work
attmosphere
Correct your spelling
atmosphere
 and working time.
Submitted by nooraalmalki1993 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure you have a clear logical structure in your essay by organizing it into distinct paragraphs with clear topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. This helps in maintaining coherence throughout the essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Always include an introduction and a conclusion to your essay. The introduction should clearly state your position regarding the question, while the conclusion should summarize the main points made and restates your position. Your essay appears to be missing a complete conclusion, which adversely affects the overall coherence and task achievement.
Task Achievement
Support your main points with specific examples to strengthen your argument. The examples you include should be detailed and relevant to the topic to effectively demonstrate your argument.
Task Achievement
To achieve a complete response to the task, make sure to fully develop all parts of the prompt. It appears your essay ended abruptly without covering all aspects that were planned to be discussed, and without a complete conclusion. This impacts your task response negatively.
Task Achievement
Make sure your ideas are clear and comprehensive, by explaining and elaborating on them fully. Pay attention to logic and clarity to ensure that the reader can easily understand and follow your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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