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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows the number of passengers arriving at a train station per hour across a day, and also the average price of their tickets.

The chart below shows the number of passengers arriving at a train station per hour across a day, and also the average price of their tickets.
#passengers #train #station #hour #price #tickets
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The table
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
 information about
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
 of passengers arriving at
train
Correct article usage
the train
show examples
starion
Correct your spelling
station
 daily every two hours.
In addition
Linking Words
,
price
Correct article usage
the price
show examples
 of tickets.
However
Linking Words
, the head of
houre
Correct your spelling
house
 is the peak
number
Use synonyms
. 
Overall
Linking Words
, the
night
Use synonyms
 trip was less
number
Use synonyms
 of passenger
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to
morning
Correct article usage
the morning
show examples
 trip. With begin,
early
Correct article usage
the early
show examples
 morning period is similar count to the period of 8
p
Use synonyms
.
m
Use synonyms
 by difference 30 les passenger at
night
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 480, 450 respectively.
On
Change preposition
At
show examples
 8 a.
m
Use synonyms
 the
number
Use synonyms
 is fewer than 12
p
Use synonyms
.
m
Use synonyms
 by 10
passenger
Fix the agreement mistake
passengers
show examples
 which is 690, 700 which is the highest
flight
Use synonyms
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 along period.
Otherwise
Linking Words
. On
afternoon
Correct article usage
the afternoon
show examples
flight
Use synonyms
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the insignificant
number
Use synonyms
 is 290 following the lowest
number
Use synonyms
 is 230
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 4.
p
Use synonyms
.
m
Use synonyms
, but after
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 the optimal
night
Use synonyms
flight
Use synonyms
 is 6.
p
Use synonyms
.
m
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 670 passengers,
thus
Linking Words
,
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
10p.
Correct your spelling
10 p.m
m
Use synonyms
 slight
decresed
Correct your spelling
decrease
number
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 50 passengers. The profit of
flight
Use synonyms
 is optimal spam was 8 a.
m
Use synonyms
 in morning shift.
While
Linking Words
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
night
Use synonyms
 shift was 12.pm and
then
Linking Words
 6.pm
Submitted by M on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, night, p, m, flight with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • chart
  • number of passengers
  • arriving
  • train station
  • per hour
  • throughout the day
  • average ticket price
  • progressively increases
  • mid-afternoon
  • gradually decreases
  • peak
  • approximately
  • early morning
  • late evening
  • lowest
  • averaging
  • slight fluctuation
  • highest average price
  • observed
  • mid-morning
  • fluctuation
  • not significant
  • difference
  • relatively small
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