IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
#show #percentage #time #adults #activities #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The graphs illustrate the proportion of
time
career-men
Correct your spelling
career men
show examples
 and
career-women
Correct your spelling
career women
show examples
 spent on various
activities
 in a nation in the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 1958 and 2008.
Overall
, working has always been the
dominants
Change the noun form
dominant
show examples
activity
 which
then
Add a missing verb
is then
show examples
 followed by sleeping. The least popular
activities
 in 1958 were
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 to work and playing sports,
whereas
 in 2008 the most uncommon
activity
 was going out with friends or family. The most common
activities
 done by the workers were working and sleeping. Working
time
 increased from 33% to nearly half
while
 sleeping
time
 decreased from 32% to a quarter.
Moreover
,
time
 spent
to hang
Change the verb form
hanging
show examples
 out with colleagues
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 down from 19% to 6%, which made it the least popular
activity
 in the
year
 2008.
Furthermore
, in the
year
 1958, the least popular
activities
 were commuting to work which was only 2%.
However
,
this
 number jumped to 8% in the
year
 2008 which made it
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
 playing sports.
In addition
,
time
 spent by the workers to relax at home increased significantly from 8% to 13%, which made it the third most popular
activity
 done by the workers in the
year
 2008.
Submitted by nadillamntr on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words time, activities, year, activity with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: