IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many teenagers are encouraged by their parents to get a part-time job. What are the advantages and disadvantages of teenagers working part-time?

#teenagers #parents #job
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A number of young
people
Use synonyms
 are motivated by their
parents
Use synonyms
are
Correct word choice
and are
show examples
 in temporary employment. Because they are financial problems are get the solutions. It has more pros and cons.In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will discuss both wives.
Firstly
Linking Words
, a number of
family
Change to a plural noun
families
show examples
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 more financial problems. They don't have other solutions. they should have to do a part-time occupation. because
parents
Use synonyms
 do not have a lot of extra
money
Use synonyms
 to spend a higher
education
Use synonyms
. As a reason, they discarded young
people
Use synonyms
 motivated to do extra employment. It is very good for financially their family And the young have occasions when their
parents
Use synonyms
 can help.
For instance
Linking Words
, nowadays the majority of youths are they go to higher
education
Use synonyms
 at universities overseas. but they want to bring
money
Use synonyms
 to their
parents
Use synonyms
 for food, clothes, etc. But some of the family can do it and the majority can not. that time young are can do part-time jobs after university. It is helpful for their
parents
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the majority of young
people
Use synonyms
 are doing extra occupations they are progeny there is
education
Use synonyms
. because they are addicted to
money
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they spend
money
Use synonyms
 on what they want. they don't want to be asked about their
parents
Use synonyms
. They can spend what they want.they do not depend on their parent. As a main result they progeny their study and they addicted to the earned
money
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, they have more pros and cons.
Parents
Use synonyms
 motivate their children they should guide
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children and young
people
Use synonyms
 should know that their
education
Use synonyms
 is the most important and they want to manner both are
education
Use synonyms
 and occupation.
Submitted by manushamanu1024 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic with a clear thesis statement that indicates the discussion points for advantages and disadvantages.
Logical Structure
Use logical connectors and transition words to improve the flow and connection between paragraphs.
Supported Main Points
Develop clear main points in each paragraph and support them with specific examples or further explanation.
Task Achievement
Focus on providing a complete response to the question by covering both advantages and disadvantages in separate paragraphs with clear topic sentences.
Clarity & Relevance
Strive for clear and comprehensive presentation of ideas to convey a well-structured argument with relevant examples to support your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: