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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows the percentage of the population in the UK who consumed the recommended daily amount of fruit and vegetables in 2002, 2006 and 2010.

The chart below shows the percentage of the population in the UK who consumed the recommended daily amount of fruit and vegetables in 2002, 2006 and 2010.
The column chart illustrates the population rate in the United Kingdom who consumed the recommended per day number of vegetables and fruits during the period of 8
years
Use synonyms
. From an
over all
Correct your spelling
overall
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 perspective, it is noticeable that females had the highest percentage of the usage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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fruits and vegetables.
However
Linking Words
, kids consumed the lowest rate of food. As the graph demonstrates, women witnessed the highest level of consumption during the eight
years
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in 2002, it reached about 25% and in 2006 it increased slightly to peak at approximately 30%. Yet, it decreased softly in 2010 and reached about 26%. On the one hand, males and kids underwent less amount of usage of fruits and vegetables in
the
Remove the article
apply
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all
years
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
men
Change noun form
men's
show examples
 rate of consumption was near
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
 usage,
however
Linking Words
; it was lower than
them
Correct pronoun usage
theirs
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 by 3% during the period of eight
years
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, children had the lowest degree in all
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
 from the beginning to the
last
Linking Words
. They consumed about half the
ladies
Change noun form
lady's
ladies'
show examples
 consumption in all
years
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, moreover".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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