In some countries, many children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people say it is the responsibility of governments to solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
With producing many sugar
productes
, many children in some countries become overweight. Many adults think, that it's the Correct your spelling
products
responsobility
of Correct your spelling
responsibility
Use synonyms
government
to solve Correct article usage
the government
this
problem. I don't agree with that statement and will Linking Words
proof
it in the following paragraphs.
Replace the word
prove
Firstly
, Linking Words
while
governments can provide resources and regulations, it is ultimately the responsibility of parents to ensure that their children are maintaining a healthy lifestyle. How much Linking Words
Correct article usage
the goverment
goverment would't
try to fight with Correct your spelling
government would
obesityof
kids, they can't do it Correct your spelling
obesity
obesity of
while
parents will encourage their children to Linking Words
the
healthy lifestyle. Correct article usage
a
For example
, if Linking Words
Use synonyms
government
makes junk food's price higher, Add an article
the government
grown ups
still will buy them Add a hyphen
grown-ups
to
their kids.
Change preposition
for
Secondly
, there is a risk that too much state interference might infringe on personal freedoms and the ability of individuals to make their own choices. By making some taboos (even if it Linking Words
great
for over health) Add a missing verb
is great
government
violates freedom of choice. Use synonyms
For instance
, if they ban Linking Words
sugary
Add an article
the sugary
a sugary
product
, there may Fix the agreement mistake
products
will
be some meetings and people may judge Remove a modal verb
apply
Use synonyms
government
. So it will not help to win Add an article
the government
war
between kids and obesity.
Add an article
the war
a war
To conclude
, I believe that Linking Words
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the government
government
not Add a verb
government is
government was
respinsible
Correct your spelling
responsible
to solve
that problem, because it's Change preposition
for solving
Correct article usage
the responsobility
responsobility
of their parents and if they do something, it will Correct your spelling
responsibility
against
our freedom.Add a missing verb
be against
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more effectively articulated to strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Focus on organizing your essay with clear and logical transitions between paragraphs. The use of cohesive devices is limited and does not tie ideas together seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with detailed and specific examples. The essay lacks illustrative examples that are strong and relevant to the topic.
task achievement
The essay should fully address the task by engaging with the statement given and presenting a comprehensive response. The engagement with the statement should be more thoroughly developed.
task achievement
Develop ideas fully to form clear, comprehensive points within each paragraph. The essay fails to elaborate on points with comprehensive clarity and logic.
task achievement
Use a range of vocabulary and sentence structures. The essay displays limited lexical resources and grammatical constructions, which detracts from the clarity.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.