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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that excessive use of smart phones badly affects teenagers’ literacy skills. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #phones #teenagers’ #literacy #skills
Usage
Correct article usage
The usage
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 of electronic devices has increased among
children
.
While
 many elites believe it would be
harmfull
Correct your spelling
harmful
 to
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
communicational
Replace the word
communication
show examples
skills
, others do not consider any adverse
consequence
Fix the agreement mistake
consequences
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 for teenagers. I reckon
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 usage of
Add an article
the smart
a smart
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smart phone
Correct your spelling
smartphone
show examples
 should be limited.
Firstly
, regarding
grammers
Correct your spelling
grammar
 and spelling, the majority of content on social media is incorrect.
As a result
, if students
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
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 a lot of time on their
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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,
surfing
Correct word choice
or surfing
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on
Change preposition
apply
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social media, incorrect information may stick in their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
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.
For example
, by following a pop singer, they tend to use his vocabulary and language
instead
 of the material which they have learnt from school.
Moreover
, getting used to
this
 device makes teenagers isolated. The more
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time they spend on
phone
Add an article
the phone
a phone
show examples
, the less time they have to communicate with peers.
Therefore
, they are unlikely to practice communicational
skills
 in the real world which directly affects their literacy
skills
.
Secondly
,
due to
 the progress of technology, the scope of literacy
skills
 is changing.
Therefore
, we should train the next generation with the new requirements.
Thus
, not only we should not prevent them from using their phones but
also
 we should encourage them. To illustrate
this
, the internet is an
undenyable
Correct your spelling
undeniable
 part of our life and living without it is unimaginable.
Hence
, in the future, the ability to use
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
 and the internet will be
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 literacy skill
not
Add the comma(s)
, not
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 its current scope. In conclusion,
although
 we need to prepare
children
 for the next era that will be dominated by technology, they must put a balanced usage of
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
 into practice.
Submitted by AUser on

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Grammar
Ensure that your essay maintains consistent verb tenses and agreement between subjects and verbs. Watch out for sentence structures that may be grammatically incomplete or incorrect.
Vocabulary
Strive to use a diverse range of vocabulary accurately, avoiding repetition and integrating synonyms appropriately.
Task Response
Maintain focus on the given task throughout the essay and ensure that each paragraph clearly connects to the overall argument or point of discussion. Avoid diverting into unrelated subjects or general statements that do not directly support your stance.
Coherence and Cohesion
Employ a variety of linking devices to enhance the flow of your essay. Connections between ideas should be seamless, guiding the reader through your argument with clear transitions.
Examples
Use examples that are specific, relevant, and effectively illustrate your points. These examples should be drawn from actual data, research, or credible scenarios to strengthen your arguments.
Conclusion
The conclusion should capture your overall stance and reflect back on the arguments presented within the body of the essay. Ensure it provides a clear and concise summary without introducing entirely new points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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