IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The line graph below shows the average monthly temperatures in three major cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph below shows the average monthly temperatures in three major cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#line #temperatures #three #cities #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The line graph gives information regarding
average
Correct article usage
the average
show examples
temperature
 every month in
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
 top cities.
Overall
, it was noticeable that
Paris
 and
dubai
Change the capitalization
Dubai
show examples
 had similar fluctuations
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
average
Change the article
an average
the average
show examples
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
temperatures of
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
 major cities.
Paris
 and
Dubai
 had similar
pattern
Fix the agreement mistake
patterns
show examples
 of fluctuation of
temperature
. In January,
Paris
 stood at 5
celcius
Correct your spelling
celsius
 of
temperature
 of the city,
whereas
Dubai
 began the
temperature
 of the city at 20
celcius
Correct your spelling
celsius
. The
temperature
 of both of them rose gradually until July. The
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
celcius
Correct your spelling
celsius
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Dubai
 increased in August,
then
 fell dramatically in December at under 25
celcius
Correct your spelling
celsius
.
In addition
,
Paris
 passed the stable condition of
temperature
 between July and August. Afterwards, There was a gradual drop in
temperature
Correct article usage
the temperature
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Paris
 between August to December at 5
celcius
Correct your spelling
celsius
.
Lastly
, Sydney started the
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
temperature
 in January at almost 25
celcius
Change the capitalization
Celcius
show examples
. From July to February remained number of
celcius
 at almost 25.
Next,
there was a significant fall
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
temperature
until
Change preposition
apply
show examples
from March to July. Sydney reached
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
temperature
 in July, namely under 15
celcius
Correct your spelling
celsius
.
Then
, the
temperature
 rose significantly from July to December at under 25
celcius
Correct your spelling
celsius
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words temperature, paris, dubai, celcius with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
▼

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