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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the percentage of adults of different age groups in the UK who used the Internet every day from 2003 to 2006. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the percentage of adults of different age groups in the UK who used the Internet every day from 2003 to 2006. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#percentage #adults #age #groups #uk #internet #information #features #comparisons
The given bar chart compares
frequency
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the frequency
show examples
 of using
Internet
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the Internet
show examples
 by
Correct article usage
a seperate
show examples
seperate categorie
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separate categories
 of people in terms of age in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
druing
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during
 a period of 4
years
 between 2003 and 2006.
Overall
, throughout 4
years
 the youth
at age
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aged
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of
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apply
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16-24 were at the top list of
Internet
 users
while
olp
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old
 people who were more than 65 showed the least interest
toward
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
 phenomenon.
Moreover
, in 2005, the rate of
internet
 customers among 25-44 and 45-54 year-old ones were the same. As the figures
shows
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show
show examples
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
seniors with 16-24 year-old were accounted for the most noticeable consumers at 80%, in 2003 and 2004, and 90 and 100% in 2005 and 2006 respectively.
while
 there was a constant increase in
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
show examples
 of being interested in
use
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the use
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 of
internet
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the internet
show examples
at
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in
show examples
second
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the second
a second
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 group with 50,60,70 and 80
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 from 2003 to 2006 in turn.
On the other hand
, during a period of 4
years
,
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the numbers
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numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of users with 45-54 rose from 60-80.
In addition
, there
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 no important changes during 2003-2005 in 55-64
years
old
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
people in attention to
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the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 and it reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
50% in 2006 from less than 40% in 2005.
Interstingly
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Interestingly
, less than 20%
og
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of
elderly
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the elderly
show examples
 with more
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 65 utilized
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
.
Submitted by mahrokh.alaei on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words internet, years with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • adults
  • age groups
  • Internet
  • daily users
  • increase
  • significantly
  • highest
  • lowest
  • rise
  • contrast
  • smallest
  • followed closely by
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