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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the percentage of adults of different age groups in the UK who used the Internet every day from 2003 to 2006. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the percentage of adults of different age groups in the UK who used the Internet every day from 2003 to 2006. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#percentage #adults #age #groups #uk #internet #information #features #comparisons
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The given bar chart compares
frequency
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the frequency
show examples
 of using
Use synonyms
Internet
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the Internet
show examples
 by
Correct article usage
a seperate
show examples
seperate categorie
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separate categories
 of people in terms of age in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
druing
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during
 a period of 4
years
Use synonyms
 between 2003 and 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
, throughout 4
years
Use synonyms
 the youth
at age
Change preposition
aged
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
16-24 were at the top list of
Internet
Use synonyms
 users
while
Linking Words
olp
Correct your spelling
old
 people who were more than 65 showed the least interest
toward
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in 2005, the rate of
internet
Use synonyms
 customers among 25-44 and 45-54 year-old ones were the same. As the figures
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
seniors with 16-24 year-old were accounted for the most noticeable consumers at 80%, in 2003 and 2004, and 90 and 100% in 2005 and 2006 respectively.
while
Linking Words
 there was a constant increase in
percentage
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the percentage
show examples
 of being interested in
use
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the use
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 of
Use synonyms
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
second
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the second
a second
show examples
 group with 50,60,70 and 80
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 from 2003 to 2006 in turn.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, during a period of 4
years
Use synonyms
,
Correct article usage
the numbers
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of users with 45-54 rose from 60-80.
In addition
Linking Words
, there
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 no important changes during 2003-2005 in 55-64
years
Use synonyms
old
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
people in attention to
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 and it reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
50% in 2006 from less than 40% in 2005.
Interstingly
Correct your spelling
Interestingly
, less than 20%
og
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of
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 with more
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 65 utilized
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
.
Submitted by mahrokh.alaei on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words internet, years with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • adults
  • age groups
  • Internet
  • daily users
  • increase
  • significantly
  • highest
  • lowest
  • rise
  • contrast
  • smallest
  • followed closely by
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