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Writing Samples
Band 5

The diagrams below give information about the manufacutre of frozen fish pies. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below give information about the manufacutre of frozen fish pies. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#diagrams #information #manufacutre #fish #pies #summarise #features #comparisons
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The diagram illustrates
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 various steps used to make
fish
Use synonyms
pie
Use synonyms
 using some of
ingredients
Add an article
the ingredients
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
processing
Correct article usage
the processing
show examples
 of
fish
Use synonyms
pie
Use synonyms
 starts with getting potatoes for
process
Add an article
the process
a process
show examples
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 making pies with salmon
fish
Use synonyms
 to the dispatch to the stores. First of all, manufacturing of pies are starts with getting
potato
Fix the agreement mistake
potatoes
show examples
 in
factory
Add an article
a factory
the factory
show examples
 with the help of
delivery
Correct article usage
a delivery
show examples
 truck after that it will be the potatoes
then
Linking Words
operation
Fix the agreement mistake
operations
show examples
 like peeling,
cutting
Correct word choice
and cutting
show examples
 done with the help of manual
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 or automated
Linking Words
then
Capitalize word
Then
show examples
 potatoes are boiled in fresh water in
stove
Add an article
a stove
show examples
 after that
Linking Words
this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
 chips are chilled with
freezer
Add an article
a freezer
show examples
 of
chiller
Add an article
the chiller
show examples
 are installed in the rollers. After
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 it will stored in bags in
chiller
Correct article usage
a chiller
show examples
 place.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, for
fish
Use synonyms
pie
Use synonyms
 salmon
fish
Use synonyms
 used for
this
Linking Words
fish
Use synonyms
 delivered to
factory
Add an article
the factory
show examples
 within 12 hours because it
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to be fresh after getting
fish
Use synonyms
will be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 cut
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 small
section
Fix the agreement mistake
sections
show examples
Linking Words
then
Rephrase
apply
show examples
lime juice and salt are sprinkled
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
fish
Use synonyms
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 operation cut
fish
Use synonyms
 goes to the steam oven to get streamed fry
then
Linking Words
 some workers are used to remove the skin and bones after that
fish
Use synonyms
 will inspected
then
Linking Words
 get a peas and prepared
fish
Use synonyms
 in bowl after that pour a sauce in the bowl. And at
Linking Words
last
Add a comma
last,
show examples
 potato
added
Add a missing verb
is added
show examples
 to the bowl to make
Use synonyms
pie
Correct article usage
the pie
show examples
 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 step the
pie
Use synonyms
 will be packed in
container
Add an article
the container
a container
show examples
 after that with the help of roller containers are
send
Wrong verb form
sent
show examples
 to the freezer to dispatch the
pie
Use synonyms
 to the stores and restraint in
frozen
Correct article usage
a frozen
show examples
 box.
Submitted by swapnilingale1155 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words fish, pie with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • illustrate
  • process
  • unload
  • packaging
  • initial phase
  • sorting
  • cleaning
  • cooking
  • bone removal
  • mixture
  • subsequent stage
  • filling
  • distribution
  • manual labor
  • automated processes
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