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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

IELTS The line graph illustrates the proportion of tourists who visited Brighton attractions in England from 1980 to 2010.

IELTS The line graph illustrates the proportion of tourists who visited Brighton attractions in England from 1980 to 2010.
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The given line graph shows the percentage of visitors to Brighton Attractions in England between 1980 and 2010. The units were measured in percentage and divided
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 four attractions, which are
Art
Correct article usage
the Art
show examples
 gallery, Pavilion, Pier and Festival.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen that
Pavilion
Correct article usage
the Pavilion
show examples
 experienced the highest peak
whereas
Linking Words
 Art Gallery visitors dropped in the
last
Linking Words
 year. In terms of Art Gallery
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
, started at just
abouve
Correct your spelling
above
 20% in 1980. In the following year, the percentage rocketed to approximately 38% in 1985 before
encoutering
Correct your spelling
encountering
 a significant drop in 1990 at
pricesely
Correct your spelling
precisely
 20% and gradually decreased until reached the lowest point at 8% in 2010. Meanwhile, the Pavilion
intilally
Correct your spelling
initially
at
Add a missing verb
was at
show examples
 23% in 1980 and hit
the
Change the word
its
show examples
 peak at
almost
Add an article
the almost
an almost
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 doubled number in 1995.
However
Linking Words
, the trend
then
Linking Words
 considerably
falled
Correct your spelling
fell
show examples
 5 years later and went down moderately
reached
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
 30% in 2010. Regarding the Pier,
begin
Wrong verb form
began
show examples
 at exactly 10%
at
Change preposition
in
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 1980 and experienced a
flucuative
Correct your spelling
fluctuating
fluctuation
 trend between 1985 and 2000. After that, the figure increased gradually and hit at just 20% in 2010.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the Festival stood at 30% as the highest proportion compared with
another attractions
Replace the adjective
another attraction
other attractions
show examples
 in 1980 and the number
relatively
Add a missing verb
was relatively
show examples
 stable until 2010, at 28%.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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