The bar chart shows the percentages of the Canadian workforce in five major industries in 1850 and 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The graph illustrates data about comparison on how many labourers worked in several types of industry in Canada between 1850 and 2020.

Overall

, manufacturing, agriculture or fishing, and energy or water industries experienced a decrease in their workforce from 1850 to 2020.

Whereas

, the people who worked in the services and construction sectors surged between those time spans. The manufacturing industry's employees started at the highest level among others in 1850 at 36 per

cent

However

, its workforce dropped significantly to 9 per

cent

in 2020. In 1850, the number of people having jobs in the agriculture sector was 22 per

cent

of the total population before it

finally

plummeted to the level of 1 per

cent

in 2020. The energy sector had a more stable decrease in the number of employees which started at 3 per

cent

in 1850 and

then

declined slightly to 1 per

cent

. The services industry encountered a surge in its labour from 33 per

cent

in 1850 to 81 per

cent

in 2020.

While

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

the construction sector had a slight increase since 1850 at the point of 5 per

cent

to 8 per

cent

in 2020.

Submitted by hilmi.santiago.alif on Sat Dec 30 2023

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words cent with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "surged" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.

▼

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

192 words

7.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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The bar chart shows the percentages of the Canadian workforce in five major industries in 1850 and 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other measure do you think might be effective?

After being punished, many criminals continue to commit crimes. Why do some people commit crimes even after having been punished? What measures can be taken to tackle this problem.

It is impossible to help all people in the world, so governments should only focus on people in their own countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people belive that women make better parents than men and that is why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies . Others claim , that men are just as good as women at parenting