The bar chart shows the percentages of the Canadian workforce in five major industries in 1850 and 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The graph illustrates data about comparison on how many labourers worked in several types of industry in Canada between 1850 and 2020.

Overall

Linking Words

, manufacturing, agriculture or fishing, and energy or water industries experienced a decrease in their workforce from 1850 to 2020.

Whereas

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, the people who worked in the services and construction sectors surged between those time spans. The manufacturing industry's employees started at the highest level among others in 1850 at 36 per

cent

Use synonyms

However

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, its workforce dropped significantly to 9 per

cent

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in 2020. In 1850, the number of people having jobs in the agriculture sector was 22 per

cent

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of the total population before it

finally

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plummeted to the level of 1 per

cent

Use synonyms

in 2020. The energy sector had a more stable decrease in the number of employees which started at 3 per

cent

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in 1850 and

then

Linking Words

declined slightly to 1 per

cent

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. The services industry encountered a surge in its labour from 33 per

cent

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in 1850 to 81 per

cent

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in 2020.

While

Linking Words

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

the construction sector had a slight increase since 1850 at the point of 5 per

cent

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to 8 per

cent

Use synonyms

in 2020.

Submitted by hilmi.santiago.alif on Sat Dec 30 2023

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words cent with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "surged" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

3 paragraphs

192 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

workforce composition
significant shift
increase/decrease in percentage
service industries
manufacturing
construction
noteworthy trends
tech industry
economic evolution
technological evolution
main features
comparisons

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The bar chart shows the percentages of the Canadian workforce in five major industries in 1850 and 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

For many people, the reason they work hard is to earn money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Studies suggest that many teenagers these days prefer socialising online to meeting one another in person. Why do you think this is the case? What measures could be taken to encourage teenagers to spend more time meeting one another in person?

Some people think that the best way to increase road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving cars and riding motorbikes. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (Write 250 words.)

Some people think that to learn a second language well, it is necessary to live in the country where that language is spoken. What is your opinion about this?

Now days more and more people buy and use their own cars . Do you think the advantage of this trend for individual outweigh its disadvantages for the environment ??