IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many healthy problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.

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Many companies produce consumeable
items
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 with high levels of
sugar
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 which disturb public health.To counter
this
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 situation,these
products
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 should be made costly. I disagree with
this
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 notion
due to
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 the following reasons.The arguments are
,
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apply
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its impact on the
economy
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,out of reach from the poor people, reduced cash flow,and low employment rate. To commence with,expensive
sugar
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 commodities can affect
nation's
Correct article usage
a nation's
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economy
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.
In other words
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,costly
items
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 can not attract international buyers.
For instance
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,merchants purchase these types of
products
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 from the developing part of the world because these articles are cheap over there.If
sugar
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products
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 are costly
then
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 no one
buy
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buys
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 them.So,expensive
sugar
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 commodities can disturb the
economy
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.
Secondly
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,high-priced
food
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items
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 have an effect on the
low-level
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low-income
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 public.
Moreover
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,It is generally believed that high-cost
food
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 articles are usually out of reach of the general public.
For example
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,in Africa,folks can not purchase
food
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 commoditised
due to
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 its high price.So,they live in starvation.
Hence
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,expensive
sugar
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-containing
food
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items
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 can
be prove
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prove
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 a disaster.
In addition
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,costly
items
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 reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
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foreign investments in the state.
Furthermore
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,no investments in the sector mean fewer factories in the country.
This
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 situation leads to
the
Correct article usage
a
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 shortage of employment.For understanding,in Sri Lanka,cash flow was not in the state in recent times.which led the developing country to a disaster.
Hence
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,high-cost
sugar
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food
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items
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 can disturb the whole system. In conclusion,
sugar
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items
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 should be made more costly to encourage folks to eat fewer
products
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 is not
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right call.I strongly disagree
due to
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,its impact on the
economy
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,its effect on hand to mouth public,and its stopping the flow of cash.I recommend that personal changes can be a good solution.

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coherence cohesion
You should ensure the essay has a clear and logical structure, with well-organized paragraphs each addressing a single point.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion should clearly state your main argument and summarise your key points, respectively.
coherence cohesion
Main points need to be developed with relevant examples and stronger support throughout the essay.
task achievement
The response should answer the question fully, addressing all parts of the task without omitting any important information.
task achievement
Your ideas should be clear and comprehensive, with complex sentences and precise vocabulary that conveys your argument effectively.
task achievement
Incorporate specific examples that solidly back your arguments and refer directly to the issue at hand.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Overconsumption
  • Obesity
  • Diabetes
  • Heart disease
  • Public health
  • Taxation
  • Purchasing decisions
  • Education campaigns
  • Economic implications
  • Subsidizing
  • Healthier alternatives
  • Disproportionately
  • Low-income families
  • Personal responsibility
What to do next:
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