IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people believe that the government should not support arts and other activities. However, others believe that the arts and other activities should be funded. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #support #arts #activities
People partially feel that the government shouldn't focus
finance's
Change noun form
finances
show examples
 on arts but rather on improving residential areas.
On the other hand
, personages believe that art and culture are staples in society, I
also
 agree with
this
 ideology. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will be discussing both points of view.
Firstly
, large sums of people's taxes are invested in arts that cost millions of pounds which can be potentially funded in new housing and residential areas.
For instance
,
according to
 The Times newspaper, an average of £10,000 is projected into the London
museum
Capitalize word
Museum
show examples
, in order to find pieces.
However
this
 is
unjustly
Replace the adverb
unjust
show examples
 as
although
 taxes are paid by the community, they have no say
where
Change preposition
in where
show examples
 their money ends up, often struggling to even find accommodation
due to
 housing shortages.
On the other hand
, art often brings tourism into areas.
This
 is presented as millions of people visit Paris for the Mona Lisa piece, by Van Gogh.
This
 elucidates that fine work alone can actually be financially profitable, bringing a substantial amount in by merely
initially
 investing a couple of thousands.
This
 denotes that investments today into arts that become incredibly beneficial in the future.
Overall
,
although
 inhabitants may feel that wasting money on art and culture is unnecessary as it could be used for better expenditures, ultimately when investing a small portion of taxes, it can potentially make you a substantial return.
Submitted by Sandraali_k on

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task achievement
You must provide clear main points that are expanded with supporting ideas and examples in a well-structured format. Avoid ambiguity in arguments to enhance clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each centered around one main idea. Use linking phrases more effectively to create better flow.
coherence and cohesion
Develop paragraphs thoroughly with clear topic sentences and example that are elaborated. Avoid overgeneralization and strive for detail in argumentation.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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