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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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In light of the advancement of
technology
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, there has been a strong emphasis on the importance of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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subjects
such
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 as
Science
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 and
Technology
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 over
History
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.
However
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, I will assert that learning
history
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 is paramount of importance, as it provides useful insights into making decisions in the future. The idea that
Science
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 and
Technology
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 are vitally important reflects
on
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the contemporary needs of our society. A principal example of
this
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 would be the prevalence of automated devices and machines
such
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 as cars, and transactional systems. Given
this
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 predictable situation for the foreseeable future, possessing a wealth of knowledge pertaining to
science
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 and
technology
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 will take the edge in order to address various issues
as well as
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 secure better employment.
However
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, I strongly argue that we shouldn’t underestimate the value of
history
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 with respect to making informed decisions.
For instance
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, Japan,
in
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which
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where
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 I was born and raised, has been spurring students to have a better understanding of historical events,
in particular
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, a war that we experienced in 1945. As a student, I cultivated a firm idea and mindset disagreeing with a war, which would give rise to countless casualties, illnesses, and money thanks to the lessons
through
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in
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history
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 class.
Similarly
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, in my experience, other Japanese citizens have a mutual perception towards the opposition
of
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to
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 wars and will never participate in any sort of conflict.
Therefore
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,
history
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 can certainly inform people of not making the same mistakes and assisting with better decision-making. In conclusion,
while
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 some are inclined to state that
science
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 and
technology
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 are more significant considering today’s movements
of
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in
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 society, I still argue that
history
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 can contribute to facilitating people’s minds in the right way and the capability of making an informed decision.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear and logical structure. While your essay contains an introduction and conclusion, the progression of ideas can be improved for better clarity and logical flow. Aim to connect your sentences and paragraphs more smoothly using cohesive devices and clear topic sentences.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and provides a full response to the task with relevant ideas. However, you could enhance your response by presenting a more balanced discussion of both views before stating your opinion. More detailed examples to support each view could strengthen your argument and provide a clearer, more comprehensive response.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural heritage
  • Historical perspective
  • Analytical skills
  • Contextual understanding
  • Technological advancements
  • STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Mathematics)
  • Innovation
  • Interdisciplinary
  • Job market
  • Climate crisis
  • Cultural identity
  • Critical thinking
  • Humanities
  • Contemporary issues
  • Integration
  • Tech-savvy
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