Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
The mandatory
military service is considered Correct article usage
Mandatory
as
a good idea for all nations, as many countries have applied Change preposition
apply
this
Linking Words
program
for young men after they graduated. Some people suggested that Use synonyms
this
idea would Linking Words
also
be possible for women. I agree Linking Words
this
Linking Words
program
would Use synonyms
bring
Verb problem
have
positive
impact Correct article usage
a positive
for
Change preposition
on
the
national securities and Correct article usage
apply
this
essay will explain my position.
Linking Words
Firstly
, some nations are facing several problems regarding their national affairs Linking Words
such
as Linking Words
defense
and foreign politics. Change the spelling
defence
This
Linking Words
program
could help as a preventive action against Use synonyms
those crisis
. These young men and women can be prepared as Change the determiner
that crisis
those crises
first-liner
in order to face Fix the agreement mistake
first-liners
the
unexpected events Correct article usage
apply
such
as war and Linking Words
riot
. Fix the agreement mistake
riots
For example
, the government of South Korea has trained their young people in military Linking Words
Use synonyms
program
as a preparation Fix the agreement mistake
programs
of
invasion from the troops of North Korea.
Change preposition
for
Secondly
, these young people will be experiencing Linking Words
different
environment in Correct article usage
a different
military
corps. The Correct article usage
the military
program
will teach them how to be strong and brave in any conditions, in order to face chaotic situations. Use synonyms
In addition
, Linking Words
this
Linking Words
program
will Use synonyms
also
be considered as a personal development Linking Words
program
. Use synonyms
For instance
, a crisis or chaos would not only happen in war but Linking Words
also
in daily activities.
Linking Words
To conclude
, a mandatory military Linking Words
program
will not only give positive feedback Use synonyms
for
the authorities but Change preposition
to
also
Linking Words
for
the younger generation. In Change preposition
to
this
training, they will be able to protect their own country and learn useful things from the instructors. Even though not all countries would face a political crisis Linking Words
but
at least Correct word choice
apply
this
military Linking Words
program
can help them to prepare for unexpected circumstances.Use synonyms
Submitted by nadhif2799 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic which is expanded and developed throughout the entire paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to demonstrate cohesion and enhance readability.
task achievement
Develop supporting ideas with specific examples and detailed explanations to better illustrate main points.
task achievement
Avoid overly general statements without substantiating them with concrete evidence or examples which directly relate to the question.