Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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The mandatory

Correct article usage

Mandatory

show examples

military service is considered

Change preposition

apply

show examples

a good idea for all nations, as many countries have applied

this

Linking Words

program

Use synonyms

for young men after they graduated. Some people suggested that

this

Linking Words

idea would

also

Linking Words

be possible for women. I agree

this

Linking Words

program

Use synonyms

would

bring

Verb problem

have

show examples

positive

Correct article usage

a positive

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impact

for

Change preposition

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

national securities and

this

Linking Words

essay will explain my position.

Firstly

Linking Words

, some nations are facing several problems regarding their national affairs

such

Linking Words

defense

Change the spelling

defence

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and foreign politics.

This

Linking Words

program

Use synonyms

could help as a preventive action against

those crisis

Change the determiner

that crisis

those crises

show examples

. These young men and women can be prepared as

first-liner

Fix the agreement mistake

first-liners

show examples

in order to face

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

unexpected events

such

Linking Words

as war and

riot

Fix the agreement mistake

riots

show examples

For example

Linking Words

, the government of South Korea has trained their young people in military

Use synonyms

program

Fix the agreement mistake

programs

show examples

as a preparation

Change preposition

for

show examples

invasion from the troops of North Korea.

Secondly

Linking Words

, these young people will be experiencing

different

Correct article usage

a different

show examples

environment in

military

Correct article usage

the military

show examples

corps. The

program

Use synonyms

will teach them how to be strong and brave in any conditions, in order to face chaotic situations.

In addition

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

program

Use synonyms

will

also

Linking Words

be considered as a personal development

program

Use synonyms

For instance

Linking Words

, a crisis or chaos would not only happen in war but

also

Linking Words

in daily activities.

To conclude

Linking Words

, a mandatory military

program

Use synonyms

will not only give positive feedback

for

Change preposition

show examples

the authorities but

also

Linking Words

for

Change preposition

show examples

the younger generation. In

this

Linking Words

training, they will be able to protect their own country and learn useful things from the instructors. Even though not all countries would face a political crisis

but

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

at least

this

Linking Words

military

program

Use synonyms

can help them to prepare for unexpected circumstances.

nadhif2799Sun Dec 31 2023

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic which is expanded and developed throughout the entire paragraph.

coherence cohesion

Use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to demonstrate cohesion and enhance readability.

task achievement

Develop supporting ideas with specific examples and detailed explanations to better illustrate main points.

task achievement

Avoid overly general statements without substantiating them with concrete evidence or examples which directly relate to the question.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

259 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Compulsory
Military service
Conscription
Patriotism
National security
Social equality
Discipline
Physical fitness
Life skills
Job training
Infringement
Conscripts
Gender equality
Mandatory
Economy
Education system
Labor market
Civil service
Alternative forms
Balanced view

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Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Technology has had a large impact on the way people consume news. As a result, newspapers and magazines will disappear in the near future and be completely replaced by online news sources.

Some people think young people should be free to choose his or her job, but other people think they should be realistic and think more about their future. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.