IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The international community has asked the public to act immediately on reduction of fossil fuel consumption. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#community #act #reduction #fuel #consumption
For decades human beings depended on
oil
 in their professional and personal lives.
Neverthless
Correct your spelling
Nevertheless
, many problems correlate with
oil
 usage, and some global administrative bodies now demand that citizens minimize petrol usage. In fact, policymakers should reduce petroleum
due to
pollution
 and alternative sources of
power
. The first argument connects with cutting
oil
 in light of the resulting
pollution
. A direct correlation exists between
oil
 and global warming. Consider how automobiles run on
this
 fossil fuel, and the carbon released in the air warms the planet more than any other substance.
In addition
 to the previous point, the reduction of fossil fuel dependency aids the elimination of water
pollution
.
This
 is because when we have to transport
this
 fossil derivative across the ocean, these ships
accidentaly
Correct your spelling
accidentally
accidental
 commit
oil
 spills that pollute our drinking water. Contamination through global warming and water
pollution
 present only a few reasons to diminish
oil
 usage. Yes, the points mentioned above offer strong arguments
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 consider alternative sources of
power
. If administrations graciously decide to rely on more
wind
 farms, less damage to the environment will result.
This
 is because a
wind
 farm uses
power
 from nature, and
therefore
 it does not damage the Earth.
While
this
 point does resonate well, solar energy
also
 provides a reason to cut back on
oil
. The reasoning behind
this
 position derives from how
this
power
 source contains no polluting waste. All in all,
wind
 farms and solar
power
 provide ample
power
 sources that support legislating less
oil
pollution
. Reducing
oil
 manifests serious controversy, but supportive reasons demand
such
 action.
Wind
 and solar
power
 alleviate the need to depend on
oil
,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 resulting
pollution
 problems suggest the correct
respone
Correct your spelling
response
.
Submitted by channguyenhon6 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a rudimentary structure with an introduction and conclusion, however, both could be considerably improved by clearly stating your opinion in the introduction and recapitulating your arguments succinctly in the conclusion. Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are clearly demarcated and effectively encapsulate your main points.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates some logical sequencing of ideas but lacks varied cohesive devices and may benefit from improved paragraphing and transitions. Use a range of connectives and signal phrases to guide the reader through the argument coherently.
task achievement
You provide reasons supporting your view though the main ideas could be further extended and developed with more detailed explanations and a wider range of examples. The use of more specific and varied supporting examples will enhance your argument's persuasiveness and can further articulate your position on the reduction of fossil fuel consumption.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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