IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

many countries use fossil fuels such as coal or oil as the main sources of energy. however, in some countries the use of alternative sources of energy is encouraged. do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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In the contemporary era,
energy
Use synonyms
 consumption is growing on a daily basis. Many
countries
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 have their prime source of
energy
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such
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 as
oil
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 or coal
whereas
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 , other
countries
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 rely on other
alternative
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 sources. There are multiple factors for
this
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 trend and as far as my opinion is concerned, I believe that using the
alternative
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 has more benefits and is a welcoming approach.
To begin
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 with, only a few
countries
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 have coal or
oil
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 available to mine and consume. That means, other
countries
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 have to
import
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oil
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 or coal from them for their consumption, which makes them dependent on other
countries
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 .
For instance
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 , Dubai is one of the biggest
exporter
Fix the agreement mistake
exporters
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 of raw
oil
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 to other
countries
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 and India, Bangladesh etc are dependent
to
Change preposition
on importing
show examples
import
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oil
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 from them.
Moreover
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 , the cost of transportation fuel is quite high,
hence
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 , it becomes extremely expensive to the end user.
Therefore
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 , it is quite efficient if the country is
ables
Replace the word
able
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to have
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 alternatives.
On the other hand
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 ,
countries
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 with their own
alternative
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 source of
energy
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 are self-dependent .
For example
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 , many
countries
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such
Linking Words
 as India and others have managed to invent their own ways to generate
energy
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 from water, windmills etc are
self depend
Correct your spelling
self-dependent
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 and do not fully rely on other
countries
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 to
import
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oil
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 or coal from them.
Additionally
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 ,
countries
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 like India are now self-dependent on generating electricity and have already working on promoting electric vehicles to fully avoid the use of oils for their vehicles.
Thus
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 , the idea of
alternative
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energy
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 is highly beneficial and cost-effective to the end user.
To conclude
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 , I would like to assert that, though many
countries
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 still require to
import
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oil
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 and coal from other
countries
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 , having their own alternatives provides more advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Transition words should be used effectively to connect sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present, but you should work on making a more impactful thesis statement and final thought that clearly reflects the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Support your ideas with specific examples and explanations. While some examples are relevant, they could be further elaborated to enhance the argument.
task achievement
Make sure to address all parts of the task. The essay does complete the prompt but could further explore the complexities of the topic.
task achievement
Strive to communicate ideas clearly and comprehensively. Clarity could be improved by refining sentence structure and using a wider range of vocabulary.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your points; the examples given are relevant but should be more detailed to strengthen the argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • renewable energy
  • solar power
  • wind energy
  • hydroelectricity
  • geothermal
  • biomass
  • sustainability
  • fossil fuels
  • greenhouse gases
  • carbon footprint
  • sustainable development
  • energy efficiency
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • ecosystems
  • natural resources
  • energy consumption
  • carbon emissions
  • environmental degradation
  • technological advancements
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