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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, many people choose to be self-employed rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

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In
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 modern society, many individuals tend to be self-employed rather than work for other
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 in a
company
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 action can be caused by various problems of how hard it is to be an office worker.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, working by ourselves has several disadvantages. The more
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 in a
company
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, the more kinds of cultures will be happening. Toxic is not harming
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 directly but it hurts humanity and society. Some offices may have benefits to their employees but in
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 world, there are countless firms that still hold toxic cultures. One of the examples is I have a friend
that
Correct pronoun usage
who

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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 told me a story when her friend joined
overseas
Correct article usage
an overseas

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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company
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. At
first,
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

it went really well but as it
goes
Wrong verb form
went on

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb goes. Consider changing it.

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, the co-workers began to spread something bad about her for having a language barrier.
As a result
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, she decided to resign and start to find a journey
to
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 her career.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, being self-employed does not always bring
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 to profit, sometimes, there will be sacrifice. Self-employment requires
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 to work alone and find their own positions. To compare it, in a
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

company
Add a comma
company,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase in a company. Consider adding a comma.

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 there will be a huge structure but working alone means no teams, no organization structures, or sometimes no
meeting
Fix the agreement mistake
meetings

It seems that meeting may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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 at all. It leads to big risks when you are a beginner.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, my friend prefers to become self-employed and one day, there is an issue that he needs to face.
Consequently
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, no one can give him some advice and it leads to
disadvantage
Correct article usage
a disadvantage

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 for him. In conclusion, both choices depend on how the individuals will lead
on
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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. Personally, I think being a
self-employee
Correct your spelling
self-employed

The word self-employee doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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 is better even though there is a huge risk in it.

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task achievement
Your essay somewhat addresses the question but lacks depth in the analysis. It's crucial that you provide a thorough explanation of the reasons behind the trend towards self-employment, as well as a detailed evaluation of its disadvantages. For a higher score, deepen the exploration of ideas and ensure that each paragraph purposefully contributes to your overall argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay displays an attempt at structuring ideas but needs to be more logically organized. Clearer paragraphing with topic sentences would enhance understanding. To improve, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the supporting sentences are directly related to that idea. Transitions between ideas should be smooth and coherent.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-employed
  • company
  • organization
  • freedom
  • independence
  • income potential
  • flexibility
  • working hours
  • working location
  • passions
  • interests
  • decision-making
  • business practices
  • disadvantages
What to do next:
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