IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many employees can now do their work from home using modern technology. However, this change may only benefit workers, not the employers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Thanks to advanced technologies, people are able to
work
Use synonyms
 remotely
instead
Linking Words
 of going to the
office
Use synonyms
, which is said to be solely beneficial for employees. From my viewpoint, I largely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because hybrid working seems to benefit both sides. On the one hand, there are numerous advantages of working from
home
Use synonyms
 for workers. The foremost one is that
this
Linking Words
 kind of
work
Use synonyms
 is cost-efficient and time-saving. If individuals did not go to the
office
Use synonyms
, they would not necessarily spend hours travelling.
Therefore
Linking Words
, not only may fuel
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
 be reduced but they
also
Linking Words
 can avoid air pollution or harsh weather
such
Linking Words
 as snow and heavy rain.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
home
Use synonyms
 is believed to be a comfortable environment, which is likely to fuel personal productivity. It means their
work
Use synonyms
 will be completed efficiently, which is good for their managers.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, employers might take advantage of remote
work
Use synonyms
.
First,
Linking Words
they can curtail their expenditure on basic commodities served at the
office
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as water and electricity;
additionally
Linking Words
, it is seemingly not desirable to decorate or set up offices elaborately when
office
Use synonyms
 workers do their tasks at
home
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
, the operation cost of the business is minimized considerably.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, what may become an onerous task for managers is how to supervise their individuals properly. Those are bound to be distracted by various factors at
home
Use synonyms
, which their supervisors are unable to tackle from a distance. Their children and pets are taken as prime examples. Ultimately, companies should have detailed schemes for online supervision before hybrid
work
Use synonyms
 implementation. In conclusion, I can hardly agree that working from
home
Use synonyms
 is not beneficial for employers. It is on the grounds that both they and their employees can take benefits from it as long as they have methods to manage online.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
It is essential to maintain a clear position throughout your response. While you presented a viewpoint and balanced discussion on the benefits of home working for both employers and employees, ensure that your position is consistent and that each paragraph advances your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on linking your ideas more fluidly. Transitional phrases were used, but their implementation could be improved for a seamless reading experience. Use a wider range of cohesive devices to enhance the flow of information and arguments within and between paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific and varied examples to support your arguments. While you touched upon generalised benefits and drawbacks, incorporating real-world examples or citing brief case studies could strengthen your arguments and give your writing a more authoritative tone.
Coherence and Cohesion
For a higher score in coherence and cohesion, it is important to ensure paragraphs are well-structured and that ideas within them are logically ordered. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea that is elaborated upon convincingly.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: