IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

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In the
last
Linking Words
 decades, processed food has increased significantly which contains lots of food additives
such
Linking Words
 as high
Use synonyms
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
Use synonyms
sugar
Change preposition
of sugar
show examples
 and so on. It is widely believed that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 rising prices would be the best solution to tackle the health problems that could be caused by
such
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 ingredients. In my view,
this
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 can be an alternative but people should be educated from young
ages
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age
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 to have healthy diets which make their appetite
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
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 of consuming
high
Add a hyphen
high-level
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level
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
sugar
Change preposition
of sugar
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will extend my opinion. As far as I'm concerned, appetite is formed gradually as we grow, based on what we eat.
Consequently
Linking Words
, If we have the habit of eating processed food with high
sugar
Use synonyms
, it can be difficult for us to change our desire in old
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
 when its effect starts to appear on our body.
For instance
Linking Words
, I'm kind of a chocolate lover and I
really
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am really
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 keen on testing various versions of it, despite
of
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apply
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considering its prices.
In
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On
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 a special occasion
such
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 as my birthday, I save some money to buy
expensive
Correct article usage
an expensive
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 and delicious one for myself.
This
Linking Words
 can be an example that price wouldn't prevent me
to consume
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from consuming
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high
Add a hyphen
high-level
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level
Use synonyms
sugar
Use synonyms
 products
such
Linking Words
 as chocolate.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is considerable that
incresing
Correct your spelling
increasing
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
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 can be an avoidable option as people try to buy those products or foods more cautiously.
As a result
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, they may use less of these items
in
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over
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 a long period of time which obviously can control their
health threatening
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health-threatening
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 factors.
For instance
Linking Words
, as I mentioned before, I prefer to buy chocolate or other
high
Add a hyphen
high-level
show examples
level
Use synonyms
sugar
Use synonyms
 products
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 some
uniqe
Correct your spelling
unique
 events
such
Linking Words
 as
birthday
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birthdays
show examples
 and so on. To put it in a nutshell,
Althogh
Correct your spelling
although
 rising
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 can be a preventing
soulution
Correct your spelling
solution
 to help
indivuduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
eating
Wrong verb form
eat
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 less unhealthy things, they should educate and get
habits
Correct article usage
the habits
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 of having
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
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 diet from their childhood in order to
becoming
Change the verb
become
show examples
 part of their lifestyle and do it without any
forces
Fix the agreement mistake
force
show examples
.

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task achievement
To enhance your task achievement score, ensure that you fully address all parts of the prompt. Your argument should be balanced, providing clear opinions and discussing both sides of the issue, if required by the question. Give direct answers to the questions posed in the task and be sure to support your responses with specific reasons and examples. Avoid generalized statements and make it clear how your examples support your viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on organizing your essay more logically with clearer connections between ideas. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to show relationships between ideas and paragraphs. Build clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to introduce the main idea, and ensure that the subsequent sentences within that paragraph are well connected and expand upon this idea. Aim to write a more concise yet impactful conclusion that not only summarizes the main points but also restates your position firmly.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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