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Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

The charts below showa the total number of minutes in billions of telephone calls in the UK, devided into three categories, from1995-2002.

#showa #minutes #billions #telephone #uk #three #categories
The amount of time spent by UK
residence
Replace the word
residents
show examples
 through three various forms of phone calls (local, national, international fixed lined and mobiles) is demonstrated in the graph below, in a seven-year period, between 1995 to 2002, in the UK.
Overall
, the highest number of phone calls
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 related to local calls made through fixed lines with a significant difference to the lowest proportion allocated to the calls over cellphones. The gap between the three categories had narrowed considerably over the second half of the period.
According
Add the preposition
According to
show examples
 the data, the number of phone calls through local
line
Fix the agreement mistake
lines
show examples
hadn’t
Verb problem
didn’t
show examples
changed
Wrong verb form
change
show examples
 (
starts
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
 at roughly 72 billion
minutes
 and
ended
Wrong verb form
ending
show examples
 with the same number) over the period,
however
, it hit
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 peak of 90
minutes
 in 1999, following a drop to 72
minutes
 in 2002. Considering the National and international fixed line data, there was a gradual
grow
Replace the word
growth
show examples
 from virtually 38 billion to 60 billion
minutes
 over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time.
On the other hand
, the calls aver mobiles had increased dramatically from 4
minutes
 to 44
minutes
 (almost 10 times higher).
Submitted by Haniehfathi98 on

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coherence cohesion
You have provided an overview and described data from the charts, which is good. However, your essay lacks clear and distinct paragraphing, making it difficult to follow the logical progression of information. Structuring your essay into distinct paragraphs would improve readability.
task achievement
You need to ensure that you address all parts of the task sufficiently. While you have made an attempt to summarize the information from the charts, your essay lacks detail in describing the trends and changes over the specified period. You may also want to conclude with a clear summary or highlight the most noticeable trends.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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