IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. While many people go to university for academic study, more people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. Do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 250 words.

#minutes #people #university #study #lack #workers #electricians #plumbers
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This
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 essay will explain my opinions on the topic of people's choice in rather go for academic study in university rather than training, despite the fact that there is a shortage in the quantity of qualified workers in certain places and jobs. From my point of view, I can see the point there, but I tend to choose to disagree with the argument
due to
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 some reasons. The reason that I disagree with the statement is based on my personal experience. In some areas, where educational facilities are not available broadly, vocational schools tend to have lower quality compared to universities. As an example, in one of the cities in Indonesia, as I analyzed, I often see a lot of university buildings and administrations are more properly treated if compared to vocational schools.
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, in my community, the image and the stereotypes that the public gives to vocational students are the north and the south with the university students.
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 way, I and the other society who have some deep thoughts about image, feel that going to college is a better way to continue my studies. In conclusion, because of these two reasons, with the fact that vocational studies do not get proper attention from the facilitator itself and the population. I choose to agree with the students who are going to college universities to pursue academic careers.
Submitted by vanadia on

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task achievement
In terms of task achievement, while the essay presents a clear position, the development of the argument is limited and lacks depth in its explanation. It is crucial to fully address all parts of the prompt by offering a more thorough discussion of why more people should or should not be encouraged to undergo vocational training. Concrete examples and a wider range of ideas would help enhance the response.
coherence cohesion
Regarding coherence and cohesion, the essay has an identifiable structure with an introduction and conclusion. However, the essay suffers from poor logical sequencing and lack of clear progression of ideas. It is important to use cohesive devices effectively to create a natural flow of information. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea, and thoughts should progress logically from one to the next, building a coherent argument throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • vocational training
  • skilled labor
  • practical skills
  • job market
  • economic benefits
  • unemployment rates
  • job-ready
  • educational debt
  • societal stigma
  • balanced workforce
  • career satisfaction
  • technical trades
  • university education
  • employment opportunities
  • hands-on experience
What to do next:
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