IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people feel that manufactures and supermarkets have the responsibilities to reduce the amount of packaging of goods, other argue that consumers should avoid buying goods with a lot of packaging Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #supermarkets #responsibilities #amount #goods #consumers
Packaging trash can be a burden to
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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 nowadays.
While
 some people believe consumers should reduce buying goods that are wrapped with a lot of packaging,
i
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I
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 stand with those who think that reducing
amount
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the amount
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 of
packaging
Wrong verb form
packaged
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 goods is the responsibility of
manufactures
Correct your spelling
manufacturers
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 and supermarkets. On the one hand, customers have the right to stop buying stuff with lots
packaging
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of packaging
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 drastically. Reducing purchasing
item
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items
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 will result in decreased
item’s
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item
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 income,
thus
 the producers may
change
 the packaging.
For example
, if people start to boycott products with a large number of packaging, it will reduce
product’s
Correct article usage
the product’s
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 selling.
As a result
, the producers might analyze the solution.
In addition
, if the analysis can prove that the reduction
of
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in
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 product’s selling is caused by its packaging, the company will
change
 the item design as well.
On the other hand
, packaging is proceeded by the
manufacturers
.
Although
 customers can take
a
Correct article usage
apply
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step
Fix the agreement mistake
steps
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 to stop lots
packaging
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of packaging
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, the decision is still made by the
manufacturers
 and supermarkets. They
also
 have the choice to choose their packaging into more greener packaging.
Moreover
, if the
manufacturers
 and sellers
choosing
Wrong verb form
choose
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 to use no packaging, people are more pressured to bring their own reusable
bag
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bags
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,
therefore
 it will
change
 their
behavior
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behaviour
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 to always have
reusable
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a reusable
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bag
Fix the agreement mistake
bags
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 in their bags. In conclusion, despite of
customer
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customers
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 can affect the company and product
decision
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decisions
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,
i
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I
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firmly
Add a missing verb
am firmly
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 convinced that
manufacturers
 and supermarkets
is
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are
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 more responsible
to avoid
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for avoiding
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big
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the big
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amount
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amounts
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 of packaging because they have the right to
change
 the packaging and later will influence
the
Correct article usage
apply
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customer
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 to stop using items with packaging.
Submitted by stacya.wijaya20 on

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structure
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction should clearly state the topic and your thesis statement. The body paragraphs should each focus on a single main point and be well-developed with supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your opinion.
coherence
Use a range of cohesive devices to link your ideas and paragraphs. This includes conjunctions, transitional phrases, and referencing words. Ensure that the use of these devices is accurate and that they contribute to the overall flow of the essay.
task response
Respond fully to the task by discussing both views presented in the prompt before offering your own opinion. Dedicate at least one paragraph to each view, and ensure that your opinion is clear and prominently featured throughout the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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