Some people think women should be allowed to koin the army, the Navy and the Air force just like man

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Being a part of the military forces is considered to be the highest honour for any individual. Some groups of community tend to think, that males and females are suitable to serve in the military, the Navy and the Air Force. Personally, I think that

women

Use synonyms

bring more benefits to being out of the army. The arguments are illustrated in the following paragraphs.

Firstly

Linking Words

, it is well known, that

Use synonyms

women

Add a verb

women are

women were

show examples

skillful

Change the spelling

skilful

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in other areas of life.

For example

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, ladies are appreciated in the educational, healthcare, administrative and management sectors. Their hard and soft skills are highly required in day to day life of the citizens.

Thus

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, modern

women

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can fulfil other crucial aspects rather than the military sector.

Secondly

Linking Words

strenth

Correct your spelling

strength

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is considered to be a vital

reqirement

Correct your spelling

requirement

to join the combat forces. Another question is to meet those regular standards of strength. Female appearance may not allow them to work in specific military services. Take

for example

Linking Words

hard work carrying heavy things, and field jobs in bad weather conditions, which require more effort and manpower.

As a

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result

Add a comma

result,

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women

Use synonyms

may not get priority for

this

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specific reason, as

this

Linking Words

Add a missing verb

is a

show examples

matter of national security. In conclusion, I believe that females can afford to serve in other sectors of their lives despite being soldiers in the army force, which

also

Linking Words

requires a big effort in terms of

phisical

Correct your spelling

physical

attributes and stamina.

1arkantaMon Jan 01 2024

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task achievement

The essay fails to fully address the question, which asks to discuss the idea of women joining the military forces. Instead of presenting a balanced view or supporting the notion, the essay focuses only on reasons why women should not join, which is a partial response and shows a limited understanding of task requirements.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure of the essay is confusing, with ideas presented in a way that appears one-sided and disjointed. The introduction should clearly set out the writer's position and outline the main points that will be discussed. Additionally, the main points need to be developed fully with clear topic sentences, and each paragraph should be logically connected to the next with appropriate use of transitions.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

230 words

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Some people think women should be allowed to koin the army, the Navy and the Air force just like man

Your opinion

In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone (cellphone) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or more disadvantages?

Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest time of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, inspite of greater responsibilities. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.