Nowadays many people have easy acess to computers and a large number of children play computer games. what are the negative impacts of playing computer games? what can be done to minimize the bad effect?

There has been a tremendous increase in the number of individuals questioning the bad consequences of playing video
games
for
children
. One of the main dangers of
this
worrying trend is linked to the deterioration of academic performance at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
schools.
However
, there are solutions readily available to tackle
this
issue
such
as
parents
monitoring their
kids
Change noun form
kid's
kids'
show examples
playing duration regularly.
To begin
, there is an argument to be made that computer
games
consume
children
’s
time
and distract them away from their school homework.
For example
, one-third of
parents
in Toronto city reported a markedly increased failing rate for their
children
, after they bought them Playstation 5.
For
this
reason, it is evident that these
games
hold the
children
for long hours in front of the
computers
Change noun form
computer's
show examples
screen,
as
Correct word choice
and as
show examples
a result
drove
Wrong verb form
drive
show examples
their focus away from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education
. What is more,
children
started
demonostrating
Correct your spelling
demonstrating
substantially rising aggressive behaviours with their classmates as reported by their teachers.
This
being the case, it can be assumed that if
children
continue to dedicate more
time
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
these
games
,
this
would lead to
further
Correct article usage
a further
show examples
fall in their
education
level, and many could drop out of their school. In order to resolve
this
troubling issue, one viable solution would be for the
parents
to regulate their
kids
Change noun form
kid's
kids'
show examples
playing
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
and control their behaviour.
For instance
, educating the
children
about the importance of their
education
and its future impact on their life
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
could make them aware of the harmful outcomes of excessive gaming.
Therefore
,
it is clear that
parents
have the responsibility to prevent any worsening progression of the situation by discussing the value of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education
with their kids.
Furthermore
,
parents
should
also
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
their
children
in various practical workshops to develop their practical skills,
as a
result
Add the comma(s)
result,
show examples
they
are
Wrong verb form
will be
show examples
more interested
to concentrate
Change preposition
in concentrating
show examples
on their future. With
this
in mind, there is no doubt that if
parents
coordinate with their
children
and schedule their gaming
time
,
this
would prevent any possible negative consequences
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
their future.
To conclude
, the overwhelming evidence seems to suggest that gaming lowered
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
grades at
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
and impaired their success rate in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education
.
However
, it is still possible to turn the tide by involving the
parents
in controlling their behaviour at
homes
Fix the agreement mistake
home
show examples
and
mointoring
Correct your spelling
monitoring
their playing
time
.
Submitted by ototonji.ot on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While you have addressed the main points of the topic, there is room for improvement in making your argument more comprehensive. Your ideas need to be developed further with more specific examples and a clearer explanation of how and why the negative impacts occur and what specific measures can be taken to address these problems. To enhance your task achievement score, ensure all parts of the question are fully answered and supported with detailed reasons and examples.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a decent structure, with an introduction and conclusion present. However, to improve coherence and cohesion, focus on organizing your ideas more logically, ensuring each paragraph flows naturally to the next. Make better use of cohesive devices and varying your sentence structures to express your points clearly. This can enhance the reader's understanding and keep their interest throughout your essay. Pay attention to spelling and ensure that all words are used appropriately, as errors such as 'demonostrating' detract from the overall quality of your essay.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: