Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
Sugar
is a major ingredient of numerous food and drink Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
witch
if used Correct your spelling
which
in
Change preposition
at
high
level, Correct article usage
a high
it
would bring about inevitable health issues. Correct pronoun usage
apply
due to
Linking Words
this
the cost of these kinds of Linking Words
products
should be increased. I completely disagree with Use synonyms
this
statement, as I believe that more effective solutions exist to tackle Linking Words
this
problem and Linking Words
people
can distinguish which Use synonyms
foods
are good and adverse.
There is no need to increase the sugary Use synonyms
products
' price. These days, the majority of Use synonyms
people
in nations know about the detrimental impacts of these Use synonyms
products
and in my opinion, it is a personal decision for everyone to what extent have Use synonyms
been
consumed Unnecessary verb
apply
foods
and drinks with Use synonyms
the
high amount of Correct article usage
a
sugar
. Use synonyms
Moreover
, the majority of kids are keen on eating these Linking Words
products
and Use synonyms
according to
many investigations, the brain needs to gain a great amount of Linking Words
sugar
in Use synonyms
this
phase of life to be able to grow well. Linking Words
Therefore
, Linking Words
such
Linking Words
foods
should be affordable for all families with different Use synonyms
range
of income. Fix the agreement mistake
ranges
Consequently
, making Linking Words
high calory
Correct your spelling
high-calorie
products
expensive not only wouldn't be practical, but Use synonyms
also
cause poor Linking Words
people
could not afford it to meet their children's Use synonyms
necessity
.
Fix the agreement mistake
necessities
Furthermore
, Linking Words
the
myriad of influential actions can be taken to address Correct article usage
a
this
problem. Linking Words
Firstly
, advertisement is a powerful method in order to draw Linking Words
people
's attention and stimulate them by representing the benefits and drawbacks. Use synonyms
Hence
, Linking Words
government
could invest in advertising to foster less consumption of Add an article
the government
sugar
. Use synonyms
Secondly
, launching Linking Words
awareness
campaign which Correct article usage
an awareness
focus
on the emergence of Change the verb form
focuses
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
Change preposition
of disease
disease
associated with the intake of excessive Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
sugar
. Use synonyms
Finally
, several programs can be implemented to improve Linking Words
availability
of Add an article
the availability
low calories
Correct your spelling
low-calorie
foods
and beverages at home. Use synonyms
such
as delivering Linking Words
of
bottled water and diet Change preposition
apply
drink
.
In conclusion, I find putting up the cost of sugary Fix the agreement mistake
drinks
products
impractical as individuals Use synonyms
entitle
to choose their own lifestyle and Wrong verb form
are entitled
sugar
is essential for the health of youngsters. Some strategies like adverts and founding Use synonyms
campaign
can be beneficial to reduce the usage of Fix the agreement mistake
campaigns
sugar
.Use synonyms
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coherence cohesion
There are several areas in which the coherence and cohesion of your essay could be improved. The logical structure should be more consistent, with clearer progression between points. You should also make sure that each paragraph introduces a central idea and develops it fully before moving on to the next point. Furthermore, work on crafting a more definitive introduction and conclusion. The introduction should succinctly state your position, while the conclusion should effectively summarize your main points without introducing new ideas.
task achievement
You have addressed the task, but there is room for more thorough exploration of the question posed. Your response should more fully explore potential counterarguments and offer a range of supporting details. Ideas could be expressed more comprehensively, ensuring that your position on the topic is abundantly clear throughout the essay. Specific examples should be detailed and directly relevant to support your arguments better.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example