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Band 4

Some say that music is as important as other subjects in schools, especially at the preschool level. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion.

#say #music #subjects #schools #level
Many argue that
music
 is as significant as different topics in schools, particularly
at
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in
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 the preschool grade.
This
 essay agrees with the statement because
music
 has
tremendous
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a tremendous
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 impact on students' creativity and brain development at
this
 age and it might help them socialize. The main benefit of
music
on
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for
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 preschool level kids is improving their creative thinking. Most of the other subjects based on paper which are math and leisure might be boring for children.
This
 can cause a decline
on
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in
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 their creative thinking ability.
Music
Submitted by edzcls on

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Introduction & Conclusion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion which are essential for a fully developed argument. Try to craft a well-defined introductory paragraph stating your position and a concluding paragraph that summarizes your points and restates your stance.
Idea Development & Examples
Develop your ideas fully by including at least two to three supporting sentences for each main point. Ensure that you include specific examples or evidence to back your claims, which helps in illustrating your points more effectively and improving task achievement.
Logical Flow & Use of Cohesive Devices
Focus on maintaining a logical flow within and between paragraphs. Utilize a range of cohesive devices appropriately, like connectors, pronouns, and conjunctions to enhance the clarity of your writing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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