IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some say that music is as important as other subjects in schools, especially at the preschool level. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion.

#say #music #subjects #schools #level
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many argue that
music
Use synonyms
 is as significant as different topics in schools, particularly
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the preschool grade.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees with the statement because
music
Use synonyms
 has
tremendous
Add an article
a tremendous
show examples
 impact on students' creativity and brain development at
this
Linking Words
 age and it might help them socialize. The main benefit of
music
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 preschool level kids is improving their creative thinking. Most of the other subjects based on paper which are math and leisure might be boring for children.
This
Linking Words
 can cause a decline
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their creative thinking ability.
Music
Use synonyms
Submitted by edzcls on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction & Conclusion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion which are essential for a fully developed argument. Try to craft a well-defined introductory paragraph stating your position and a concluding paragraph that summarizes your points and restates your stance.
Idea Development & Examples
Develop your ideas fully by including at least two to three supporting sentences for each main point. Ensure that you include specific examples or evidence to back your claims, which helps in illustrating your points more effectively and improving task achievement.
Logical Flow & Use of Cohesive Devices
Focus on maintaining a logical flow within and between paragraphs. Utilize a range of cohesive devices appropriately, like connectors, pronouns, and conjunctions to enhance the clarity of your writing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: