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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #percentage #time #adults #activities #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The pie charts below show the percentage of
time
Use synonyms
 working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. In 2008 it is noticeable, that people began to work more than in 1958, the indicators changed from 33% in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 century to 42% in the present.
Instead
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
growth
Correct article usage
the growth
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 working
time
Use synonyms
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sleeping has decreased from 32% to 25%. And going out
also
Linking Words
 enormously declined from 19% to only 6%, as the technologies improved and we began to
spent
Change the verb
spend
show examples
 our free
time
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the Internet.
However
Linking Words
, in 1958 travel to work was less than 5%, but in 2008 it increased to 8%. Interests are changing all the
time
Use synonyms
, that's why, other interests or playing sports was 6% and raised to 8% in 2008. The changes, that we see had a big impact on people's
livelyhood
Correct your spelling
livelihood
livelihoods
, they
also
Linking Words
 show
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the difference between working adults in 1958 and 2008.
Submitted by sofiaavramenko0906 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 2 times.
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