IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operation to change the way they look? Do you think this a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent days, there
was
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 an increase in the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of people who are experiencing cosmetic surgery with the purpose
to have
Change preposition
of having
show examples
 a better appearance. There are some mental factors to contribute to
this
Linking Words
 behaviour,
nevertheless
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 trend is a negative development because
anybody
Correct your spelling
nobody
show examples
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 positive things to showcase and nobody is perfect.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the citizens
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 experienced
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cosmetic surgery are motivated to look
youngers
Correct your spelling
younger
show examples
 and prevent the obvious
critics
Fix the agreement mistake
criticism
show examples
 from their relatives and friends.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the majority of these individuals suffered from depression and anxiety
while
Linking Words
Correct pronoun usage
their self-steem
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self-steem
Correct your spelling
self-esteem
 was
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 lowest level.
For instance
Linking Words
, some boys and girls have to deal with bullying in their schools or universities because of their appearance, and
as a result
Linking Words
, they consider
to improve
Change the verb form
improving
show examples
 the situation,
to look
Change the verb form
looking
show examples
perfects
Fix the agreement mistake
perfect
show examples
 and
portray
Wrong verb form
portraying
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 in their social networks that they are pretty and happy.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the decision to change their appearance had a negative impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society, since nowadays
it is clear that
Linking Words
 nothing in
this
Linking Words
 world is perfect.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the example for others is that everyone should change what he
don't
Change the verb form
doesn't
show examples
 like about his body
instead
Linking Words
 of facing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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reality and accepting his nature itself.
For instance
Linking Words
, a girl
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
instagram
Change the capitalization
Instagram
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 would look fascinated to have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
surgery at an early stage which in some cases could be dangerous physically and mentally. In conclusion, debate for plastic or cosmetic surgeries is recognised to be crucial in
this
Linking Words
 modern era, since many boys and girls
desired
Wrong verb form
desire
show examples
 always to look good in order to prevent negative comments, but what for some people is considered ugly, for others might be appreciated, just anyone should accept the beauty of his nature.

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task achievement
Please ensure that the essay addresses all parts of the task. It is important to discuss reasons for the trend and whether this trend is positive or negative, supported by specific examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing a clear and logical structure for the essay. Organize ideas into clear paragraphs, each with a central idea. Use linking words effectively to aid coherence.
task achievement
Expand on main points with relevant examples and details. Specific examples enhance the argument and demonstrate a good command of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Idealized beauty standards
  • Cosmetic surgery
  • Advancements in medical technology
  • Socially acceptable
  • Self-improvement
  • Psychological well-being
  • Competitive workforce
  • Youthful appearance
  • Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD)
  • Physical appearance
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