IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graph shows the amount of money spent on book in Germany, France, Italy and Austria between 1995 and 2005.

The graph shows the amount of money spent on book in Germany, France, Italy and Austria between 1995 and 2005.
#amount #money #book #germany #france #austria
The line graph
depict
Change the verb form
depicts
show examples
 how much
people
 in Germany, France, Italy and Australia spent their
money
 on
book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
show examples
 in 1995 and 2005. In general,
it is clear that
 Germany
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the highest number of
people
 who spent their
money
 on
books
 from 1995 until 2005 and Austria was the lowest country which spent their
money
 on
books
 from 1995 until 2003. A lot of
german
Capitalize word
German
show examples
people
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
spent their
money
 on
Add an article
the book
a book
show examples
book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
show examples
 in 2005. Over the period, German
people
 who buy a
book
 fluctuated. Its increase in 1999 and dripping in 2003
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
 it was not
significantly
Change the word
significant
show examples
.
This
 fluctuated has similiarity with
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
 in
italy
Change the capitalization
Italy
show examples
. The
different
Replace the word
difference
show examples
 was in 1999
people
 in
italy
Change the capitalization
Italy
show examples
 who buy
books
 dripping than before. The country which increased steadily in
buy
Wrong verb form
buying
show examples
books
 was
france
Change the capitalization
France
show examples
.
Whereas
,
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
people
 in Austria
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
use their
money
 on
books
rised
Correct your spelling
rose
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1995
untill
Correct your spelling
until
 1999 and steady until 2001
then
massive
Correct article usage
a massive
show examples
 rise until 2005.
Books
 become important stuff to buy for some
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
. We can get big of information through a
book
. High and low
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of
people
 who
use
Verb problem
spend
show examples
 their
money
 on
books
, it depends on their needs.
Submitted by oktiviay17 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, money, book, books with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "rised" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: