Some people say that computer skills should be added to primary subjects in elementary school such as reading, writing and math. For far do you agree or disagree?
It is thought by many people that
computer
skills
need to be added to primary lessons in elementary school, starting with reading, writing and mathemathic
. I highly disagree with Correct your spelling
mathematics
mathematic
this
statement since it leads to a disadvantage for students
.
Nowadays, the major
in college mainly Fix the agreement mistake
majors
dominate
by Artificial Intelligence (AI) and Change the form of the verb
dominated
computer
science because computer
skills
are needed since the development of technology begins
to grow faster. Wrong verb form
began
As a result
, students
need to adapt to this
situation where computer
skills
should be added to the main subjects. Furthermore
, this
could be an excellent opportunity for them in the future to get better careers. For instance
, in America, the majority of companies prefer to find fresh graduates that
graduate from Correct pronoun usage
who
Correct article usage
the computers
computers
department.
Change the noun form
computer
On the other hand
, it is known that computer
skills
are challenging subjects because it contains a lot of data and calculation
Fix the agreement mistake
calculations
such
as mathematics. Their main activities in
Change preposition
at
young
age are playing and relaxing, if it Correct article usage
a young
taken
by them, they might get very Add a missing verb
is taken
stress
about it. To illustrate, research shows that parents tend to ask their teenagers to open their books and take notes rather than go out. Replace the word
stressed
As a consequence
, many of the students
start to feel stress
and get less Wrong verb form
stressed
consetration
Correct your spelling
concentration
at
a class Change preposition
in
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
caused
them to often get bad scores. Wrong verb form
causes
In other words
, adullts
need to pay attention to the situations of the Correct your spelling
adults
students
.
In conclusion, although
computer
subjects might help students
to
enhance their abilities, Verb problem
apply
the
conditions Change the word
their
of
Change preposition
apply
them
need to be Correct pronoun usage
apply
thought
carefully. It could result Verb problem
taught
to
Change preposition
in
the
drawbacks for the Correct article usage
apply
students
.Submitted by ieltswriting91 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and logical structure. The introduction does not clearly state your opinion. There's a need for clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader.
task achievement
The essay should have presented a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument clearly, but it primarily focused on one side.
task achievement
The essay did contain some examples, but they seemed anecdotal and were not fully explored or explained to support the main points effectively.
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