Some people say that computer skills should be added to primary subjects in elementary school such as reading, writing and math. For far do you agree or disagree?

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It is thought by many people that
computer
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skills
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need to be added to primary lessons in elementary school, starting with reading, writing and
mathemathic
Correct your spelling
mathematics
mathematic
. I highly disagree with
this
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statement since it leads to a disadvantage for
students
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. Nowadays, the
major
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majors
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in college mainly
dominate
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dominated
show examples
by Artificial Intelligence (AI) and
computer
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science because
computer
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skills
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are needed since the development of technology
begins
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began
show examples
to grow faster.
As a result
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,
students
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need to adapt to
this
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situation where
computer
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skills
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should be added to the main subjects.
Furthermore
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,
this
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could be an excellent opportunity for them in the future to get better careers.
For instance
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, in America, the majority of companies prefer to find fresh graduates
that
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who
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graduate from
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the computers
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computers
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computer
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department.
On the other hand
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, it is known that
computer
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skills
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are challenging subjects because it contains a lot of data and
calculation
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calculations
show examples
such
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as mathematics. Their main activities
in
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at
show examples
young
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a young
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age are playing and relaxing, if it
taken
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is taken
show examples
by them, they might get very
stress
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stressed
show examples
about it. To illustrate, research shows that parents tend to ask their teenagers to open their books and take notes rather than go out.
As a consequence
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, many of the
students
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start to feel
stress
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stressed
show examples
and get less
consetration
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concentration
at
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in
show examples
a class
that
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which
show examples
caused
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causes
show examples
them to often get bad scores.
In other words
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,
adullts
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adults
need to pay attention to the situations of the
students
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. In conclusion,
although
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computer
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subjects might help
students
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to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
enhance their abilities,
the
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their
show examples
conditions
of
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apply
show examples
them
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apply
show examples
need to be
thought
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taught
show examples
carefully. It could result
to
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in
show examples
the
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apply
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drawbacks for the
students
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.
Submitted by ieltswriting91 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and logical structure. The introduction does not clearly state your opinion. There's a need for clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader.
task achievement
The essay should have presented a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument clearly, but it primarily focused on one side.
task achievement
The essay did contain some examples, but they seemed anecdotal and were not fully explored or explained to support the main points effectively.
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