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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph shows the amount of money spent on book in Germany, France, Italy and Austria between 1995 and 2005.

The graph shows the amount of money spent on book in Germany, France, Italy and Austria between 1995 and 2005.
The line diagram above shows information about the fluctuation
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
amount
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 of money spent on
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book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
show examples
 in
Germany
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,
France
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, Italy, and
Austria
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since
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from
show examples
 1995 till 2005. In 1995,
Germany
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became
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the highest
amount
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 of money spent on
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book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
show examples
 with 8
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millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
USD
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,
France
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became
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the second highest with 55
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millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
USD
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,
also
Linking Words
 Italy
in
Add a missing verb
was in
show examples
 third place with 50
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millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
USD
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, and the lowest spent on
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book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
show examples
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 held by
Austria
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 with 30
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millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
USD
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.
Then
Linking Words
, in 1997,
Germany
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still
Add a missing verb
was still
show examples
 in the first position with 85
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millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
USD
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,
while
Linking Words
 the
last
Linking Words
 place
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 held by
Austria
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 with 35
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millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
USD
Use synonyms
. In 1999, the
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
amount
Use synonyms
 of money spent on
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book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
show examples
 in
Germany
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,
France
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, and
Austria
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 increased,
while
Linking Words
 Italy decreased
about
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by about
show examples
 5
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millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
USD
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
, in 2001, only
France
Use synonyms
 and Italy
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased
about
Change preposition
by about
show examples
 10
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millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 for
France
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 and 7
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millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
USD
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,
while
Linking Words
Germany
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 decreased to 87
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millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
USD
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 and
Austria
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have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 the exact same number as before.
Then
Linking Words
, in 2003, Italy and
Austria
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 did great with increases. Especially
Austria
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 increased to 60
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millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
USD
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 and Italy to 59
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millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
USD
Use synonyms
. At the same time,
Germany
Use synonyms
 still
decreasing
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 to 85
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millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
USD
Use synonyms
 and
France
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 with the same
amount
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 of number 70
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millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
USD
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, in 2005, all of them increased.
Although
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Germany
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 became the highest with 95
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millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
USD
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
France
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 is in 75
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millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
USD
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
Austria
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 is in 72
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millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
USD
Use synonyms
, and Italy is in 62
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
USD
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 82%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words amount, book, germany, france, austria, millions, usd with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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