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Band 4.5

communications between managers and workers are important, other people said that other factors are more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#communications #managers #workers #people #factors
During
this
 modern epoch, it is debatable if a good connection between a manager and their colleagues
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 essential to make a business
work
 efficiently.
This
 essay will discuss both sides of the
arguments
Fix the agreement mistake
argument
show examples
as well as
 my stance in the subsequent paragraphs with examples.
Firstly
, many businesses run efficiently without a manager being present, often not
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 appearances unless they have to run meetings or discuss anything important.
Therefore
this
 indicates that, if a strong team is present, where everyone works well together, discussing things with the leader is unnecessary.
For instance
 in real estate,
although
 the sales consultants all
work
 under one roof, they
work
 independently making their own deals and merely needing the manager to provide their cut of the sale.
This
 reiterates that communication with the higher power is unnecessary.
On the other hand
, others contention may disagree, stating that only managers are qualified enough to make certain decisions and without consulting them it could have a detrimental effect on the business as a whole.
For example
, in
retail
Add a comma
retail,
show examples
 if one of the workers
decide
Correct subject-verb agreement
decides
show examples
 to give a discount without the
managers
Change noun form
manager's
show examples
 consent, it may result in a great loss for the company which could have been prevented just by communicating with them.  To concur,
although
 aspects of
independencey
Correct your spelling
independence
independency
 can be pleasant for workers to
work
 more efficiently without pressure, personally I believe
this
 is extremely damaging to companies and suggest managers to be present, even if
their
Replace the word
they're
they are
show examples
 not entirely involved.
This
recapulates
Correct your spelling
recapitulates
 that communication between team leaders and their employees is imperative.
Submitted by Sandraali_k on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea with supporting examples. The essay showed some coherence but lacked depth and variety in the supporting points.
task achievement
Expand on the ideas provided by giving more detailed explanations and a variety of examples. This will help to fully address the prompt and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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