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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Money should be spent on creating new buildings such as museums or town halls rather than renovating the existing one. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#money #buildings #museums #town #halls
Constucted
Correct your spelling
Constructed
Construct
 new
buildings
such
 as museums or town halls from
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 budget
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 better compared with
maintain
Change the verb form
maintaining
show examples
 the existing
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
. I disagree with
this
 point of view, and
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will explain why with several supporting opinions. In terms of
develop
Change the verb form
developing
show examples
 new
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
, there are a
lot
things
Change preposition
of things
show examples
should
Correct pronoun usage
that should
show examples
consider
Wrong verb form
be considered
show examples
.
Firstly
,
build
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
 new museums or town halls
is need
Wrong verb form
needs
show examples
 a
lot
 of investment. As we know
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the available land in the city is currently limited,
therefore
 the price of the land getting more expensive.
Moreover
,
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 new
buildings
required
Wrong verb form
requires
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tight planning,
such
 as building
permit
Change the form of the verb
permits
show examples
, architecture planning, electricity
line
Fix the agreement mistake
lines
show examples
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc. All of those
preparation
Fix the agreement mistake
preparations
show examples
also
 need a
lot
 of cost.
Secondly
,
build
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
 building is a long-term plan and
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 a
lot
 of time, to build museums or town
hall
Fix the agreement mistake
halls
show examples
 need 2 years minimum until
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 done.
As a consequence
, the surrounding areas
also
 may impacted,
such
 as pollution and disturbance. To illustrate, in Jakarta,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
build
Wrong verb form
built
show examples
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
 stadium, but
this
 project
bring
Wrong verb form
brought
show examples
 several drawbacks to the
inhabitats
Correct your spelling
inhabitants
 and some of them are relocated. Regarding
mantaining
Correct your spelling
maintaining
 the existing building,
this
 idea is more sustainable. Renovating old
buildings
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 more affordable and
low
Correct word choice
requires less
show examples
 effort. The existing
buildings
 are mostly have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
strong foundations and
pillar
Fix the agreement mistake
pillars
show examples
, small
renovation
Fix the agreement mistake
renovations
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 several
point
Change to a plural noun
points
show examples
 of the building can more efficient.
Furthermore
, old
buildings
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 own
achitecture
Correct your spelling
architecture
architectural
 style and history, so
keep
Wrong verb form
keeping
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 in
original
Correct pronoun usage
its original
show examples
 look could give a
uniqeness
Correct your spelling
uniqueness
 and as a landmark.
For instance
, in Jogjakarta, there are several places
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 we can
found
Wrong verb form
find
show examples
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 well-maintain old building,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
all because
this building
Fix the agreement mistake
these buildings
show examples
 is one of the
landmark
Fix the agreement mistake
landmarks
show examples
 and
acttract
Correct your spelling
attract
attracts
tourist
Change to a plural noun
tourists
show examples
. In conclusion,
build
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
 new
buildings
 are costly and wasting time, meanwhile
maitaning
Correct your spelling
maintaining
 existing
buildings
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 easier and low cost. I,
therefore
, remain firmly convinced that money should be used
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 take care of the old
buildings
 compared to
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 a new one.
Submitted by 2024successielts on

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task achievement
When addressing the topic, ensure that you provide a clear opinion on the statement and continue to support this throughout the essay. Although the essay covers the topic, the argument could benefit from a more explicit and consistent stance from the introduction through to the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each with a distinct main idea. While the essay has recognizable paragraphs, transitioning between them could be smoother. Also, make sure that each paragraph logically follows from the one before it to ensure a coherent flow.
coherence cohesion
Proofread your work for grammatical errors and clarity. Ensuring your essay is free from repeated grammatical errors will greatly improve its coherence. Additionally, use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance readability and effectiveness of the argument.
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