Some people believe that it is the best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try an improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give our own opinion.

There is no denying the fact that try to gain a lot of money by
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
a bad situation several
people
think about it.
While
it is a commonly held belief that nowadays many
people
want to do anything
such
as
unusual
Correct article usage
an unusual
show examples
job, there is
also
an argument that doing the
better
Correct word choice
best
show examples
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
a magnificent life.
This
essay will analyse
this
topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On the one hand, we want to do a huge job to make a lot of money and
people
believe that bad
jobs
are useful for them.
In other words
, they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
thinking, they will be able to
do
Verb problem
have
show examples
an amazing experience and have thought do more get more.
In addition
, in
fact
Add a comma
fact,
show examples
jobs
expand knowledge,
skills
Correct word choice
and skills
show examples
and increase the
confident
Replace the word
confidence
show examples
to learn system‘s
Jobs
.
For example
, if we note an unknown company the workers have been doing
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
best, but occasionally, they
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
find what they run to get it.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
the other hand, the argument makes different
option
Fix the agreement mistake
options
show examples
for us when we think by our conscious. It is
also
possible to say that splendid
jobs
our
Add a missing verb
are our
show examples
dream
all
Change preposition
for all
show examples
people
.
As well as
, high training it helps
people
to develop their experience not only that but
also
establish a gorgeous generation.
Moreover
, some opportunities and circumstances apply
a crucial steps
Correct the article-noun agreement
crucial steps
a crucial step
show examples
for us, all employers need
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
this
, and it will change all thinking
life
Change preposition
in life
show examples
.
For instance
, advanced companies apply
ensure
Wrong verb form
ensured
show examples
care and high
recommended
Replace the word
recommendations
show examples
for education not only these, but they do
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
improve both the workers and
company
Correct article usage
the company
show examples
as Armco company is Cosmopolitan and vibrant. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
question. On balance,
however
, I tend to believe that weeks
people
search
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
the bad
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
and stronger
people
do
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
great to find the best
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the end.
Submitted by M on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
The essay does not have a clear organizational pattern. Sentences and paragraphs should logically flow from one to the next, and ideas should be sequenced in a way that makes sense to the reader.
introduction/conclusion
An effective introduction and conclusion are necessary. Your introduction should clearly present the topic and your thesis, while the conclusion should summarize your points and restate your thesis without repeating it verbatim.
support
Main points must be developed with clear explanations and relevant examples. Make sure each paragraph has one clear main idea with supporting sentences that directly relate to that idea.
task response
Responses should directly address the task prompt and completely answer all parts of the question. Make sure to understand the question fully and to stay on topic throughout your essay.
clarity
Your ideas need to be stated more clearly, keeping in mind the structure of the essay. Include a more detailed explanation of concepts and consider sharpening your thesis statement.
examples
Specific examples are crucial to illustrate your points. Use more detailed and direct examples, and connect them back to the argument you are making.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: