Some people believe that education and healthcare should be free of charge and funded by the government. Others think that it should be the responsibility of the people to pay for these services. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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In contemporary society, schooling and health maintenance play vital roles in the daily lives of
the
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citizens.
While
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some claim that these two elements should not be charged to the inhabitants and funded by the authorises, others are of the opinion that the citizens should pay for these
services
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as it is a part of their responsibility to contribute to the development of the
country
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. Personally, I do agree with the latter as I believe the fees and the funds
be
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taken by the government will be used for supporting other several aspects of
life
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and those that benefit
for
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both their citizens and their
country
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.
This
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essay will examine both views to portray a reasonable conclusion for my opinion.
Although
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schooling and medical regime are believed to be top-prioritized in
life
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, unfortunately not all
people
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can afford
for
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it at times. The case
be
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given is that
people
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are from all different walks of
life
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, and some might not be lucky enough to experience any healthcare nowadays like homeless
people
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or orphans as for them, it is exorbitant. If these
services
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are free of charge, it will create a wholesome society
also
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putting less pressure on the medical field.
Moreover
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,
while
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people
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strike
Correct your spelling
strive

The word strike doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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for a relative standard of living, the expensive charges of these might unbalance their financial distribution. It is challenging to manage things in
life
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,
people
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who are the breadwinner will face more difficulties in dealing with their money, which can trigger a decline in their mental and physical health.
Such
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cases lead to an even worse healthcare system. So it is reasonable to state that these charges should be chargeless. It is undeniable that an advanced educational system and excellent medical care
services
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not only
do they
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tackle the medical burden, but
also
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allow us to engage in more potential drugs that can cure more dangerous illnesses
such
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as cancer. As a case in point, if these funds are collected by the government so they can implement more plausible solutions for the serious prevalent issues,
then
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the load in wellness programs will be put under less pressure. In
such
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occurrences, the healthcare workers who are in charge of these, are not
be
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over-burdened
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overburdened

The word over-burdened doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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with their salary worries regarding
to
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apply

The preposition to after regarding may be unnecessary. Consider removing the second preposition.

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excessive
Add an article
the excessive

The noun phrase excessive amount seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts

It seems that amount may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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of work. Aside from taking care of the growth and prosperity in the other two fields, the authorities
also
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

need to take everything into consideration in order to enhance the advancement in defence to protect their citizens’ safety. As a piece of evidence, if
people
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pay for their own
services
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to fulfil these personal needs, all other fields will be invested more and be potentially prosperous. The investment goes to armed forces and the military will be utilized to ensure a safe
life
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and
the
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security in every corner of the
country
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, facilitating the improvement of
concerning
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social evils.
To sum up
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, even though there are some merits of the two to be chargeless,
yet
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it is crucial for the care in other things be attended. That said the federation should plunk down their money for these personal things which
relieve
Correct subject-verb agreement
relieves

It seems that the verb relieve does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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the burden
in
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on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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national
Add an article
the national

The noun phrase national treasury seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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treasury,
Correct word choice
and allow
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Correct word choice
and allow

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allow
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
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other fields
be
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to be

It appears that the verb be should be in the to-infinitive form. Consider adding the word to.

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developed in terms of a wealthy
country
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.
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Coherence & Cohesion
The essay presents a structured response with an introduction, development of points, and a conclusion. However, some paragraphs are overly long and the transition between ideas could be smoother. Refine topic sentences and make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea. Use cohesive devices appropriately to link ideas and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
The response to the task seems complete, but the depth and development of ideas are lacking. Arguments need to be more extensively developed and supported with specific examples or evidence. You should aim to address the task more fully by expanding on the implications and the nuances of the argument.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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