Some people believe that education and healthcare should be free of charge and funded by the government. Others think that it should be the responsibility of the people to pay for these services. Discuss both views and give your own opinion
In contemporary society, schooling and health maintenance play vital roles in the daily lives of
the
citizens. Correct article usage
apply
While
some claim that these two elements should not be charged to the inhabitants and funded by the authorises, others are of the opinion that the citizens should pay for these services
as it is a part of their responsibility to contribute to the development of the country
. Personally, I do agree with the latter as I believe the fees and the funds be
taken by the government will be used for supporting other several aspects of Unnecessary verb
apply
life
and those that benefit for
both their citizens and their Change preposition
apply
country
. This
essay will examine both views to portray a reasonable conclusion for my opinion.
Although
schooling and medical regime are believed to be top-prioritized in life
, unfortunately not all people
can afford for
it at times. The case Change preposition
apply
be
given is that Unnecessary verb
apply
people
are from all different walks of life
, and some might not be lucky enough to experience any healthcare nowadays like homeless people
or orphans as for them, it is exorbitant. If these services
are free of charge, it will create a wholesome society also
putting less pressure on the medical field. Moreover
, while
people
strike
for a relative standard of living, the expensive charges of these might unbalance their financial distribution. It is challenging to manage things in Correct your spelling
strive
life
, people
who are the breadwinner will face more difficulties in dealing with their money, which can trigger a decline in their mental and physical health. Such
cases lead to an even worse healthcare system. So it is reasonable to state that these charges should be chargeless.
It is undeniable that an advanced educational system and excellent medical care services
not only do they
tackle the medical burden, but Verb problem
apply
also
allow us to engage in more potential drugs that can cure more dangerous illnesses such
as cancer. As a case in point, if these funds are collected by the government so they can implement more plausible solutions for the serious prevalent issues, then
the load in wellness programs will be put under less pressure. In such
occurrences, the healthcare workers who are in charge of these, are not be
Unnecessary verb
apply
over-burdened
with their salary worries regarding Correct your spelling
overburdened
to
Remove the preposition
apply
excessive
Add an article
the excessive
amount
of work. Aside from taking care of the growth and prosperity in the other two fields, the authorities Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
also
need to take everything into consideration in order to enhance the advancement in defence to protect their citizens’ safety. As a piece of evidence, if people
pay for their own services
to fulfil these personal needs, all other fields will be invested more and be potentially prosperous. The investment goes to armed forces and the military will be utilized to ensure a safe life
and the
security in every corner of the Correct article usage
apply
country
, facilitating the improvement of concerning
social evils.
Verb problem
apply
To sum up
, even though there are some merits of the two to be chargeless, yet
it is crucial for the care in other things be attended. That said the federation should plunk down their money for these personal things which Correct word choice
apply
relieve
the burden Correct subject-verb agreement
relieves
in
Change preposition
on
national
treasury, Add an article
the national
Correct word choice
and allow
allow
other fields Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
be
developed in terms of a wealthy Add the particle
to be
country
.Submitted by thinhatvypham127 on
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Coherence & Cohesion
The essay presents a structured response with an introduction, development of points, and a conclusion. However, some paragraphs are overly long and the transition between ideas could be smoother. Refine topic sentences and make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea. Use cohesive devices appropriately to link ideas and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
The response to the task seems complete, but the depth and development of ideas are lacking. Arguments need to be more extensively developed and supported with specific examples or evidence. You should aim to address the task more fully by expanding on the implications and the nuances of the argument.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.