IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people argue that it is not wise for an industry to replace its experienced but old workers with new and young yet inexperienced individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Many people
contain
Verb problem
contend
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 that replacing senior staff with younger staff is inappropriate. I do disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement based on two reasons; teenage employees are more talented, and they are better trained to deal with today’s
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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.
Initially
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, Having older
workers
Use synonyms
 in
companies
Use synonyms
 has a positive impact. They have worked in offices for a long time so they directly master
in
Change preposition
apply
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the fields. It leads to professional
working
Replace the word
work
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 especially when they can handle every situation or problem.
For example
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,
in
Change preposition
apply
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insurance corporations
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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tend to call
the
Correct article usage
apply
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senior
workers
Use synonyms
for calming
Change preposition
to calm
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 down customers
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 come and complain roughly.
Therefore
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, the presence of older
workers
Use synonyms
 is needed.
Nonetheless
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, young officers tend to be more talented compared to the old ones. Many youngsters are technophiles and it means they can take advantage
from
Change preposition
of
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 the
advance
Fix the agreement mistake
advances
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of
Change preposition
in
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 technology maximally.
As a result
Linking Words
, they tend to have many brilliant innovations which definitely can improve the company.
For example
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, many marketing staff in
companies
Use synonyms
 employ young talents
for creating
Change preposition
to create
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 unusual or unique marketing strategies by using technology
such
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 as advertising on online platforms.
Moreover
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, they are more creative than the seniors because they have
better
Add an article
a better
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 quality of education
such
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 as student exchange and internship programs from their college which
in
Change preposition
apply
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older
workers
Use synonyms
 do not experience
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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. It encourages them to have wider views and be
open minded
Add a hyphen
open-minded
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,
therefore
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 they are qualified
for helping
Change preposition
to help
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companies
Use synonyms
 to sustain
in
Correct pronoun usage
themselves in
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modern
Add an article
the modern
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 era.
To sum up
Linking Words
, senior
workers
Use synonyms
 are professional but for sustaining
companies
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days having young employees is more needed because they can improve corporations with their creativity and their ability to tackle modern problems.

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to provide a clear and coherent argument throughout the essay. Use logical connectors to establish clear relationships between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction that clearly states your position and a conclusion that summarizes your main points and reinforces your argument.
coherence cohesion
Support your main ideas with specific examples and evidence. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea that is elaborated upon.
task achievement
Fully address the task by presenting a balanced argument on the importance of both young and senior workers in the industry. Ensure you respond directly to the question asked and stay relevant.
task achievement
Develop your ideas fully and ensure that they are comprehensive and easily understood by the reader.
task achievement
Use a range of relevant, specific examples to illustrate your points. Personal anecdotes or hypothetical scenarios can be effective if they are directly tied to the prompt.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • experienced
  • old workers
  • young
  • inexperienced
  • replace
  • industry
  • wise
  • argue
  • valuable
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • loss of expertise
  • lack
  • necessary
  • experience
  • maturity
  • diverse
  • workforce
  • mix
  • age groups
  • beneficial
  • focus
  • providing opportunities
  • continuous learning
  • development
  • balanced approach
  • smooth transition
  • maintain productivity
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