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Writing Samples /
Band 2

Some people believe that teenagers should study all school subjects. Others argue that they should focus on only the subjects that they are good at or find most interesting. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #teenagers #study #school #subjects #focus
In my point of view, both
of
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apply
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opinions have their own benefits and
disadvanteges
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
 for
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 own students/
teenagers
.
Firstly
,
with
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apply
show examples
teenagers
study
Wrong verb form
studying
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 all school
subjects
 would provide
foundation
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the foundation
a foundation
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 for their future learning, and
also
 would help any of those
teenagers
 who haven't
figure
Wrong verb form
figured
show examples
 out their specialization
with
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to
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 try all
subjects
,
this
 kind of learning will help them to become adaptable and increase their
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
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 skill. But,
this
also
have
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has
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disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
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,
such
 as stress would easily happen.
On the other hand
,
teenagers
 who focus on
subjects
 that they are good at and find interesting will help people who already figured out what specialization they would focus on
to
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apply
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and lead them to academic success.
For example
, kids who choose to dig
in
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into
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music
Correct article usage
the music
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 path, and once they learn early about their specialization, it would help them to develop oriented skills that are required, in
this
case
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case,
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such
 as
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
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 any instruments, sheets
music
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of music
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, etc.
While
 all of those advantages,
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
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 all
subjects
 in school can offer
larger
Correct article usage
a larger
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and
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apply
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variety of fields
Submitted by talithanakhwah19 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure, ensure that a clear and coherent argument is presented. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, and the connection between ideas within and across paragraphs should be evident.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion need to clearly state the topic and summarize the main points of the discussion. The conclusion should reflect on the arguments presented and provide a final, definitive stance on the issue.
coherence cohesion
Support each main point with clear and specific examples or evidence. The examples should directly relate to the point being made and should be developed sufficiently to demonstrate its relevance and impact.
task achievement
Complete the response by fully addressing all parts of the task. This includes discussing both views and giving your own opinion. Each aspect should be explored to some extent to provide a comprehensive treatment of the topic.
task achievement
Make sure your ideas are clearly expressed and easy to understand. Use paragraphs effectively, with clear topic sentences that guide the reader through your argument. Enhance the clarity of your ideas by refining your grammar and vocabulary choices.
task achievement
Incorporate relevant and specific examples to underpin your discussion. Reference real-world situations, hypothetical scenarios, or credible data to support your arguments and give more weight to your viewpoint.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • well-rounded education
  • versatility
  • adaptability
  • foundation
  • specialization
  • academic success
  • career-oriented
  • critical thinking
  • creativity
  • hybrid approach
  • prodigious talents
  • broad curriculum
  • informed decisions
  • early professional development
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